


You Can (NOT) Relate

by MJ1Hawk



Series: You Can (NOT) [2]
Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Angst, Consensual Underage Sex, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Oral Sex, Romance, Sex, Smut, Teen Romance, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-25
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-15 20:57:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17536133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MJ1Hawk/pseuds/MJ1Hawk
Summary: This is a follow up to my last story called “You Can (NOT) Feel”. This story takes place between episodes NINE “Both of You, Dance Like You Want to Win!” and Episode TWELVE “The Value of a Miracle”. Thank you!





	1. I Can (NOT) Relate

  
**I Can (NOT) Relate ******  
  
_WEEEEE-OOOOOH-WEEEEE-OOOOH ___  
  
“ **PILOTS OF UNIT-01 AND UNIT-02, REPORT IMMEDIATELY! **”****  
  
_Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap. Fwwwsh-brr. ___  
  
“Hah! Looks like I arrived just in time!”  
  
“That’s _great _Asuka-kun,” Misato deadpans, “However… _WHERE THE HELL IS SHINJI?! _”____  
  
“ _TCH! _As if I would know OR care where that baka is,” Asuka pouts. Misato looks up at the screen to see Asuka sitting with her arms crossed inside Unit-02. “You _know _, I could do this myself!”____  
  
“Sure you could,” Asuka grins happily in reply, “However that isn’t the point. We want you two to work together as a team for onc--”  
  
“-- _TEAM?! _” Asuka screeches. Misato and the rest of the staff wince and cover their ears. “As if! If you want a team--have him work with his pet girlfriend!” Asuka makes a mocking face at the mention of Rei.__  
  
“Asuka-kun, please don’t make this so difficult. I’m sure Shinji will arrive soon and you guys can do this quickly and successfully.”  
  
_Ugh, I can NOT work with that baka, _Asuka thinks.__  
  
**Currently in the Changing Room ******  
  
“I _reeeeally _don’t wanna work with her Rei.”__  
  
“I know Shinji,” Rei states. She and Shinji already heard the alarms, but Shinji had such bad anxiety about the thought of Asuka that he had to text Rei to calm him down. She responded right away and now they’re sitting side by side on the tan water-stained bench. The room was filled with shower heat that left the five body-mirrors surrounding them opaque. Rei had her arm around his waist and her chin on his shoulder. Shinji starred at a stain on the floor with his hands wringing together. “What about her bothers you so much? We have only spoken to her a handful of times in the last three days.”  
  
“I don’t… really know. I… just started to feel comfortable here. I just got ‘used’ to piloting these… things, and all of a sudden _SHE _shows up. All she wants to do is fight me and I don’t even know why,” Shinji shakes his head hopelessly.__  
  
_WEEEEE-OOOOOH-WEEEEE-OOOOH ___  
  
“IKARI SHINJI--PLEASE REPORT TO UNIT-01 IMMEDIATELY. THE SEVENTH ANGEL IS COMING CLOSER TO EARTH.”  
  
“Shinji,” Rei mumbles,”I think it is best you go now. Nothing between you and Pilot 02 will change otherwise.” Shinji shrugs and stands up with Rei.  
  
“You could be right… I dunno what I’d do without you,” Shinji smirks.  
  
“Neither do I,” Rei jokes and leans into Shinji for a soft kiss.  
  
**11:21 AM ******  
  
“Look who decided to show up,” Asuka mocks. _Fwwwsh-brr _. Shinji settles into Unit-01 ignoring her.__  
  
“Sorry Miasto-san, I’m ready now.”  
  
“Great,” Misato smiles at him on screen then switches to her professional voice, “The Seventh Angel, Isfrael has been spotted. It has already touched down on the outskirts of Tokyo-3. You two must work together in order to stop it. You will be launched in twenty-nine seconds.”  
  
_I really hope this goes quick _, Shinji thinks.__  
  
“Twenty-One. Twenty. Nineteen.”  
  
_That baka. He better not mess this up for me. This is only the second time I get to show these Nerv morons what I’m made of. I have to be the best. I have to _, Asuka concludes.__  
  
“Ten. Nine. Eight.”  
  
Shinji looks at the screen and spots Rei in the background behind Misato. He waves to her but she doesn’t do the same. He frowns then realizes his Dad, the commander of Nerv, is watching the screen from his perch. _Shit. I didn’t think about that. Hopefully you don’t get in trouble Rei. ___  
  
“One!” _BSHHHHHHHHHHHH. Fwoooop. DSHHH. ___  
  
“The Evas have successfully landed!”  
  
“Alright you two, I’d like you to-- Asuka-Kun!” Asuka decides to take the lead and takes of on a full sprint toward the giant spider-like Angel standing achingly still.  
  
“Hurry up baka! I want this to end already!”  
  
“Seriously?!” Shinji hollars. He has no choice but to follow her in hot pursuit. Before Shinji is even close however, Asuka jumps up with a war cry while pulling her prog knife from its sheath under her shoulder armor. “Asuka-san hold on!”  
  
“Too late!” Asuka slices the Angel’s crimson red core right in half and lands triumphantly turning her back to it. She flicks the blade and shoves it back into her armor. “Hah! Take that bastard.” _Fweeeeeee **WAHHHHHHHHHHH **Bzt.**** _“Uh-oh.”__  
  
“Get back!” Misato yells over the speaker. Asuka flips out of the way and staggers next to Shinji. They both helplessly watch as the Angel transforms into two separate larger stick-like beings. “Retreat immediately!”  
  
“I think not Misato-san,” Asuka argues, “I can do this!”  
  
“Are you serious?! Again?!” Shinji whines.  
  
“Asuka-kun. Retreat IMMEDIATELY. That was an order.” Shinji shrinks into his seat. He’s never heard Misato so angry. He looks over at Unit-02 and sees that she’s not even there. Instead she yet again has ran off without him.  
  
**Seventeen Seconds Later ******  
  
Both Evangelions are flipped upside down and buried in the grass and dirt. The Angel is unscathed and still in two parts. The pilots inside are knocked around and frazzled.  
  
“Good work… _NOT _,” Misato chides.__  



	2. I Can (NOT) Co-Operate

  
**Monday 8:01 AM ******  
  
Rain and humidity fog up the windows of the classroom. Nothing outside is visible. Class starts at 8:30 sharp but Rei and Shinji enjoy meeting up early. Their typical morning consists of coming into class, sharing a kiss, and trading bento boxes. Shinji and Rei found it fair to switch between cooking duties every other day. Today, it was Rei’s turn.  
  
“I tried something new,” Rei states handing him the cracked navy box. Shinji immediately takes it and opens it. _Sniff _.__  
  
“Wow that smells good. Thank you,” he says, closing the box.  
  
“Yes,” Rei whispers, “I was not very good at it.” She looks down to her left hand. Almost every thin finger has some sort of cut or band-aid. Ritsuko and Commander Ikari were not pleased. Shinji takes her hand up to his mouth and kisses each cut. She watches him closely with lips slightly parted. He goes from her thumb to her pinky methodically and then brushes her hand against his face. He looks into her eyes finally saying,  
  
“I love you Rei. I appreciate it.”  
  
“I love you too Shinji,” she says with a smile. Shinji smiles back and lets out a _NOM NOM NOM _uncharacteristically and nips at her small wrist.__  
  
….  
  
“I see,” she answers.  
  
….  
  
“It was supposed to be funny you know?”  
  
“Oh. I see, ‘ _Ha _.’ ‘Ha.’”__  
  
….  
  
Shinji puts his head back and sighs loudly. _This is gonna take some work _. Some kids start to pile in so Rei and Shinji stand a little further apart.__  
  
“Hey look what we got here!” Touji shouts, “The love birds are back at it again.”  
  
“Yeah yeah,” Kensuke adds, “It’s been four weeks we’re all sick of the teasing.” Everyone in the room looks over and nods in agreement with Kensuke. Some quiet bickering continues as more classmates come in.  
  
“Well you’re one to talk, I’m still kinda jealous Shin-Man! How’d you get one so easy?”  
  
“I don’t know about easy,” Shinji retorts. Shinji looks over to Rei who’s standing next to him passively while glancing around the room. _We love each other but nothing about it’s easy. I don’t really think it’s supposed to be? I don’t know. _Touji and Kensuke look at the two and are surprised by how distant they seem. _I wonder if piloting the Eva makes you like this _, Kensuke thinks.____  
  
“Guten morgen Shinji-kun,” someone says from the back of the classroom. Everyone in the class goes quiet. The four of them turn around and Shinji’s jaw nearly falls off. _I should have known she’d be in the same class! _Instead of responding Shinji stands still and hopes she just walks away. Instead, she walks closer, bypassing Rei completely without making any eye contact with her. “I was talking to you Shinji-kun,” Asuka states with a hint of annoyance, “Guten Morgen, again.” _Wow already in a bad mood. _____  
  
“Y-yeah. Hi Asuka-san.”  
  
….  
  
“Baka. I should have known you’d be just as stupid at school,” Asuka groans walking to the front of the class.  
  
“Who the hell is that?!” Touji remarks.  
  
“The pilot of Unit-02,” Rei responds. Shinji eyebrows knit together in frustration and worry. Hikari, the class president calls for everyone to be seated except for Asuka. She and Asuka stand at the front of the class behind the podium as she announces that Asuka Soryu Langley will now be joining them for the rest of the year.  
  
“Would you like to say anything else Asuka-san?”  
  
“As a matter of fact, I would,” Asuka walks defiantly in front of the podium and puts her hands on her hips, “If any of you have a problem with how I am, then you can stick it! I’m the best Eva pilot there is, so TRY to STOP me! _HMF _,” she concludes as she walks to her seat. Everyone around the class looks at each other. Shinji covers his face with his hands.__  
  
“So I guess only weirdos can pilot the Evas huh?” Kensuke retorts.  
  
**3:21 PM ******  
  
Shinji didn’t feel like going home and telling Misato about what Asuka did at school; instead he went on a walk with Rei hand and hand. They passed by tons of other couples that were walking home from school like them. All of them seemed to either talk loudly or be connected at the mouth. _Rei and I don’t seem like that. Even after we... had sex… it still feels embarrassing to say it. I feel like my ears get hot every time I think about just the word. Then again, we haven’t done it since the first time. I don’t even know if that bothers me. Does it? Maybe it does. I don’t know anyone else who ‘does it’. Maybe Misat--ew _, Shinji shivers, _I wouldn’t wanna know. _____  
  
“Are you cold?” Rei questions. He pulls himself out of his thoughts and checks his surroundings. It looks like they already made it in front of Rei’s shabby apartment complex.  
  
“No, I’m not cold, just got lost in thought.”  
  
“I see. Would you like to tell me about it?”  
  
“I don’t really know what to tell you.”  
  
….  
  
“I notice that you still do not look comfortable when Pilot 02 is near. Is that what you are thinking about?” Shinji looks off toward the street.  
  
“That’s part of it. _Ugh! _Why does she have to act like that though!” Shinji lets go of Rei’s hand and throws his arms up in frustration. “Like, she disobeyed orders twice in four- _freaking _-minutes! Misato-san was so mad I swear I saw smoke coming out of her ears. And on top of that, Dad--er--the Commander was watching the whole thing.” That sparked a thought in Shinji’s head, _Dad saw me wave at Rei. I wonder if he thought anything of it _. “Did you get in trouble when I tried to say hi to you?”______  
  
“He did not speak to me about it.”  
  
“Oh, I’m glad…. Hey Rei, what do you talk about with him? Cuz one time I saw you with him before and you were smiling about something.” To Shinji’s surprise, Rei turns away from him and starts toward her apartment room.  
  
“I can not speak about it. It is confidential. I will see you tomorrow.” Shinji’s shoulders sag. _She’s so distant even still. Maybe it was a mistake to think we were closer _. It begins to rain. _Figures _. Shinji starts his long walk back to his and Misato’s apartment.____  
  
**4:04 PM ******  
_Shwooop _.__  
  
“Misato-san I’m ho-- WHAT THE?!” Shinji crams himself into the space between the entrance and what should be a walkway into the kitchen. There are boxes and boxes of stuff nesting in every inch of the apartment.  
  
“Shinji!” Misato yells from somewhere within the space, “You may want to sit down for this… once you find the chair.”  
  
**Three Minutes Later ******  
  
“NO!!!!!!!” both Shinji and a hidden Asuka scream. Misato smiles.  
  
“Glad you both are taking it so well.”  
  
“HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO _ME?! _” Asuka yells. “I thought this was just gonna be an _us _thing! Why does this baka have to be here too?!”____  
  
“Hey I was here first!” Shinji defends.  
  
“That would be correct,” Misato states. Asuka rolls her eyes at him and crosses her arms, “However, both of you will just have to get used to this.” Both of them sigh loudly and look in opposite directions. “Besides, remember what we talked about yesterday at Nerv?”  
  
“Yeah yeah, we have to work together on some stupid song Kaji picked out for WHO KNOWS WHY and then kill the Angel by six’o’clock tomorrow. You’ve said it like TWELVE TIMES!” Asuka whines.  
  
“Well thank you for saying it for the thirteenth,” Misato says with a grin. Asuka makes a growl. “So in order to fight this Angel, you guys will be starting tonight. You two need to decide where the stuff goes and what room you get. As soon as you do that, I’ll set up the rhythm machine. Got it?” Misato looks to both kids with her chin held high.  
  
“...Got it,” they say in unison. _This just keeps getting worse Shinji muses _.__  



	3. We Can (NOT) Do This

  
“Left! Right! Back! Front! Left! Ri-- _BZZZZT _”  
  
“Dammit! How many tries it this gonna take you to do this right?!” Shinji plops onto the floor sweating profusely. Asuka storms off to her room chanting _BAKABAKABAKA _.  
  
 _Dingg-dong _  
  
 _The last thing I want is to have guests over _Shinji thinks. He weakly picks himself off the floor with muscles shaking under him and slowly walks to the door. _Shwoop _.  
  
“HEEE--what the heck are you wearing?” Touji questions. Kensuke is looking over Touji’s shoulder as they both look Shinji up and down in disgust.  
  
“What do you? Oh crap!” Shinji ducks behind a portion of the door. He completely forgot Misato made him and Asuka wear matching outfits. _How come I had to borrow Asuka’s clothes and she couldn’t wear mine?! _  
  
“Touji, Kensuke!” Misato chimes in from around the corner.  
  
“MISATO-SAN!” The boys happily yell. They both sprint inside to find her like they’re looking for candy. Shinji sighs and tries to close the door before a hand stops its motion. _Hmm? _Shinji slides it back and realizes Rei was there too. He smiles at her excitedly.  
  
“H-hey I missed you! Sorry I didn’t tell you I wasn’t going to school today.”  
  
“Misato-san had told me,” Rei replies as she walks in taking her shoes off, “However, I did miss you at school.” Growllll. “I also forgot to eat since you were not there.” Shinji takes Rei’s hand and walks her toward the kitchen.  
  
“That just means I get to make something for you! Let’s go.”  
  
“Ah-ah Shinji,” Misato interrupts. Touji and Kensuke are staring at Misato nearly drooling while she leans over the kitchen table with the chair wedged behind her knees, “I’ll be doing the cooking today. Asuka! Get back to practicing! We have less than three hours left!”  
  
Asuka yells some insults and walks back to her station getting herself plugged back in.  
  
“Shinji,” Rei whispers, “I am not sure Misato-san’s cooking will be as well done as yours. Please hurry?” Shinji giggles at the statement and kisses Rei on the head earning a _gyah _from Asuka.  
  
“We’ll see Rei.”  
  
Five Tries and Four Minutes Later  
  
“Shinji you’re getting better!” Misato remarks while cooking up a decent meal. _R-really? _he wonders.  
  
“Are we seeing the same thing?!” Asuka retorts. “He’s still missing the same beat _every _time!” Touji and Kensuke are drooping over the table with bored expressions. Rei is sitting upright and watching intensely.  
  
“Hmm,” Misato hums, “Rei, take over for Asuka for a minute.”  
  
“Yes Misato-san.” Asuka raises an eyebrow and throws her gear at Rei when she gets close enough. Asuka settles against the wall with her arms crossed. _Suuure. Like this will change anything. _  
  
“Ready Rei?” Shinji asks. She nods with a yes and the music starts.  
  
“Left! Right! Back! Front! Left! Right! Back! Jump! Duck! Right!”  
  
“Hell yeah Shin-Man! Keep going!” Asuka frowns deeper and continues to watch. _Bom. Boop. Batt. Pft _. Rei and Shinji continue to tap their mats in perfect succession.  
  
“Great job Rei-chan!” Kensukes adds in. Asuka looks between Kensuke and Misato and Shinji and Rei again and again. _What the hell is this?! How are they--what the--this is bullshit! As if I’ll let her beat me! _Asuka stomps over to the mat and rips the gear off of Rei.  
  
“Move the _hell _out of the way, this is _my _thing,” she spits while putting the gear back on. _Just as planned _Misato thinks. Shinji cringes at how she just treated Rei.  
  
“Can you not do that? She was following orders unlike--”  
  
“--SHUT THE HELL UP AND DANCE!”  
  
Two Minutes Later  
  
“Yes!!!” Touji and Kensuke yell while clapping violently.  
  
“Finally” Asuka and Shinji wheeze.  
  
“I’m proud,” Misato laughs, “But I’ll be _more _proud once you defeat the Angel. However, eat first!” Misato shoves bowls of soup into everyone’s face. Asuka immediately takes hers and heads to her room alone. Shinji settles in next to Rei and checks out her bowl. “I didn’t forget, no meat for Rei,” Misato happily says. Shinji nods his head in thanks and starts eating.  
  
5:21 PM  
  
“Time to go! Get in the Evas!” Misato barks over the intercom. _Brrrr-Fwoosh _.  
  
“Countdown starts now; twenty, nineteen…”  
  
 _Whatever you do Asuka, do NOT-- _  
  
 _Whatever you do baka, do NOT-- _  
  
“Ten, nine, eight…”  
  
“--SCREW THIS UP!” they yell.  
  
“One!” _DOOOOOOSH _. “Que the music!” _Da da da dee da. Da da dee daaaa. _“Remember to work together! You can do this!”  
  
Both Asuka and Shinji start chanting the moves in their head, _LEFT, RIGHT, BACK, FRONT _. Their colorful Evas twirl and flip in rapid succession perfectly timed with the music that bounces around inside of their cockpits. All noise but the music is canceled out to both Shinji and Asuka as they allow themselves to be consumed by their motion. The large Angels stay unmoving and menacing as the two gallop toward it. The Evas jump high into the air and they do their final move.  
  
“HIYAAA!” they scream as their feet connect with the Angels crimson core shattering it into a thousand glass-like pieces.  
  
“Yes!” Misato and her peers cheer. Asuka and Shinji however, land in the least fabulous and elegant of ways. Shinji lands and sticks half of his Eva in the mud while Asuka lands on top pushing him further in. “...Figures,” Misato reacts.  
  
“You IDIOT! Are you KIDDING ME?! WHY DID YOU SQUIRM SO MUCH?!”  
  
“Asuka-san, you were the one that landed on me!”  
  
 _YouSuckIHateYouMoronBakaThisWasYourFault _  
  
Misato mutes the voice feed and rubs her forehead. The bickering continues for ten or more minutes and the Nerv crew retrieves the pilots and the Evas.  
  
6:37 PM  
  
Rei had watched the whole fight from the of the control bridge just out of sight of everyone. _I am glad he overcame his struggle with the second child _, she innocently thought, _I still am unsure of how to feel for her. She does not try to be pleasant with me at all. I wonder why _. Rei self consciously grabs one arm at the elbow covering up her midsection while gazing at the ground. She positions her back against the cold steel wall that travels up to where Commander Ikari and his subordinate Fuyutsuki reside. _Being in this place feels less pleasant than it ever has. I wonder if it is due to my recent intimacy with Shinji _. She rests her head against the wall and closes her eyes. _I wonder why I feel so strongly for him so quickly? I wonder why he feels the same… I wonder if he knows what I really come from _…. Rei frowns and grits her teeth. _Does the Commander know? Will he do something about this? This was not part of the ‘plan’ _. Rei sighs quietly and opens her eyes to stare straight ahead at the heavy sliding exit door. She fixates on a dent near the bottom right. _Chirp chirp _. Rei slides her phone out of the pocket on her dress. It reads, Come to my office now. From Gendo. Rei goes on autopilot and walks mindlessly through the maze of Nerv. She reaches his door and finally pauses to think. Am I safe? I suppose it is irrelevant. But I worry about what Shinji would do if something were to happen. Perhaps I should inform him. She briskly gets out her phone and types out, _Commander Ikari has requested I speak with him now. I will call you later if all goes well _. She was about to press send when she thought of one last thing. _I love you _. She slightly smiles and presses send, putting her phone on silent. She presses the button to enter. _Fwishhh _. She steps in quietly and walks until she’s four feet from his empty metallic-brown desk.  
  
“Yes Commander Ikari?” Her small voice echos.  
  
“Have you been getting checked-up on by Dr. Akagi?”  
  
“Yes Commander.”  
  
“Have you been eating well?”  
  
“Better, yes.”  
  
“You’ve been more interactive with classmates and the other pilots.”  
  
“Am I not allowed Commander?”  
  
“I would prefer not Rei.”  
  
….  
  
“Yes Commander.”  
  
 _7:01 PM _  
  
Misato forcibly put Shinji into a shower after he and Asuka nearly bit each others heads off. Misato stood outside of his stall with a worried expression creeping up.  
  
“Shinji, please try to calm down.”  
  
“I _AM _CALM!”  
  
….  
  
He didn’t have to be looking at Misato to imagine the look on her face. He sighed and turned on the shower. The heat quickly fogged up the room. He took his clothes off and set them on a shelf inside the small shower stall. _God I hate this floor, it always hurts my feet _. Shinji sighed and rubbed his muscles out as the hot water hit his back.  
  
“Maybe stay at Rei’s tonight? It might be better that you and Asuka to have some time apart.”  
  
“I don’t have my school clothes for tomorrow there.”  
  
“I could bring them by later tonight or tomorrow morning.”  
  
“...That’d be nice. Thank you Misato-san. And...u-um, I’m sorry.” Misato smiled and stretched her arms over her head.  
  
“Don’t be. I’ll catch up with you later. Don’t forget to call Rei first!” _Shwip _.  
  
Shinji turned off the showerhead and wrapped a towel around his waist. He pulled back the curtain slightly and stuck his head out looking both ways. _Good. All clea _r. He steps out with one delicate foot and walks to his locker immediately grabbing his phone. _Rei texted! _Shinji smiled wide and opened the text. _Commander Ikari has requested I speak with him now. I will call you later if all goes well. I love you _. _I love you too Rei _. Shinji checked the time. _It’s been like twenty minutes. I should maybe go check up on her _. Shinji quickly pulls his clothes on and nearly runs up to his father’s office door. When he arrives he hesitates. He puts his ear up to the door. _Whisperwhisperwhisper. I can’t hear anything _. He knocks twice and waits. _Argh, maybe I shouldn’t do this. What am I thinking?! He doesn’t wanna see me! And now it’ll seem like Rei texted me. IDIOT _. Shinji curses at himself again and again only stopping when the door slides open. His eyes widen then narrow as he looks up to see his father staring down at him.  
  
“What do you want?” Gendo asks in a threatening tone.  
  
“I was wondering… um, if you had seen Asuka-san or Ayanami-san?”  
  
….  
  
“Don’t bother me here again,” Gendo huskily responds and steps away back toward his desk. Shinji takes that few extra seconds to scan the office. _Rei’s not in there _. The door closes on his toes and he jumps backward with a yelp.  
  
“Shinji,” he hears from behind him. He spins around, disoriented, and spots Rei’s red eyes looking at him from a dark hallway further down. He hustles over to her looking over his shoulder to the door of his father’s office. He grabs her by the hand and quickly walks to the exit of Nerv not speaking a word. Once the satisfying slide of their keycards opens the front gate, he heavily exhales the breath he’d been holding and squeezes her hand tighter leading her a few blocks away.  
  
“Are you ok? I was so worried!”  
  
“I suppose,” Rei quietly says looking distant again. _She’s never looked so sad. Her eyes are nearly sunken into her head as if she hasn’t slept in days _.  
“Rei, Misato-san said I can stay with you tonight, I think I should. You look ill or something.” Rei’s eyebrows tensed up then released.  
“I am not sure we should do that Shinji.”  
  
“W-why?” Shinji asked feeling something the worry inside him slowly come up his sternum and near the pit of his throat.  
  
“Commander Ikari gave me an order to distance myself. I am worried serious actions will be taken against you if we do not obey.” Rei does not release his hand.  
  
“T-that’s not even fair! What does it matter what we do?!” Rei looks off again. A look of guilt crosses her face but Shinji couldn’t identify it. “R-Rei please! We can think of something besides just giving up. _Please _.” Shinji’s nearly on his knees. _Fff, I feel like I can’t breathe. _  
  
“I… I don’t know what to do,” Rei whispers. Her eyes are wide as if in shock, but her hands shake as if she’s afraid. Shinji grabs her other hand and tries to make eye contact.  
  
“W-we ca-can figure it out! Let’s just go to your house ok?” Rei shakes her head yes and Shinji begins to guide her along to her house. The walk was verbally silent, but emotionally, they were both bursting with feelings of regret, guilt, anger, confusion, worry, heartbreak, and love.  
________________________________________________________________________________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh, hi! Shinji here... if you uh, didn't know. I guess I'm gonna warn you that the next chapter (chapter four) has lots of s-sex. So. If you don't like that, read the beginning then, RUN AWAY!


	4. We Do (NOT) Know What To Do

  
**7:51 PM ******  
  
Shinji and Rei made it into her house, slamming the door behind them. Shinji rushes to the window and closes the blinds while Rei briskly switches the lamp on. They both stand in their respective corners for a few beats. _I feel like I could throw up. My neck is burning _. Shinji scratches at his clavicle through his white tee. Rei takes the lead and sits down on the chair nearest to her and tucks herself in. She rests her hands on her lap and takes a breath. Shinji takes the chair that was across from her and pulls it next to her instead. He sits and faces her with a hunch in his back. Rei looks at him from the corner of her eye.__  
  
“There are many things I can not tell you,” Rei speaks, “They are confidential to the fullest extent.” Shinji frowns and sits upright. “They listen to us through these,” Rei drops her phone on the table.  
  
“B-but Misato bought mine herself.”  
  
“Yours is safe.”  
  
“Why didn’t you tell me about that?” Shinji says slightly stirred up.  
  
“I kept it turned off when you were over. I may not do that now. Commander Ikari knew.” Shinji furrows his brows and reaches for her phone, she doesn’t stop him. He opens it and says  
  
“Let me talk to her. What’s it matter to you?!”  
  
….  
  
“He will not answer you if he is listening.” Shinji turned off the phone and threw it away from them onto the creaky floor. He looks at Rei who was slightly surprised. “I’m sure he will bring this up next time he and I speak.”  
  
“I don’t care--I’ll go with you.” Shinji pauses. _Am I really brave enough for that? That actually sounds really scary _. He shakes his head then scratches his neck. “I have to go, you have to tell me when.”__  
  
“I can not allow that. It could be very dangerous for you.”  
  
“I don’t care!” _Do I? ...I don’t think so. Rei’s too important _.__  
  
“Shinji… I don’t think you should involve yourself any further. We...should not… we… _SNIFF _.” Out of pure surprise Rei jumps up from her seat knocking her chair backward with a _DINKRR _. A stream of tears fall onto her dress as she hunches over clutching the end of the table. _What am I doing? What is this? How am I crying? I’ve never…. I don’t know what to do _. Rei breaks down completely and falls to her knees hiding her face against the edge of the table. Shinji hesitates to do anything. _I’ve never seen her cry _. His eyes fill up to the brim with tears bending at the waist to dig his elbows into his thighs and cover his face with his hands. Rei’s violent crying makes him shiver and feel distraught to a level he’s never felt before. _I’m putting too much on her. It isn’t right. I rely on her for everything. I can’t do that anymore _!__________  
  
“I-SNIFF--I don’t know what to do!” Rei sobs into her arms. Her fingernails dig at the skin of her forearms painfully. Shinji’s tears drain out of his eyes and leak down his hands and arms until they wet his baggy black pants. “I don’t want to break up,” Rei wheezes, “I… I don’t _want _to.” Shinji takes his hands from his face and pushes the chair out falling onto his knees like Rei. He grabs the corner of her sleeve and tugs her toward him. She looks the other way.__  
  
“Rei, look at me,” Shinji cries. His eyes are swollen and burning, but he tries his best to keep his eyes focused on her. She finally turns to him swallowing her sniffles. Her face is fully flushed and her eyes are almost completely bloodshot. She wraps her arms around her midsection but Shinji takes her arms and pulls her into him and tightly holds her. “I don’t want to break up either. I love you too much. I… can’t be _without _you.”__  
  
“I love you too,” Rei wimpers with her eyes swollen shut. She slowly lifts her arms up and wraps them around his back. _These emotions are so overwhelming. I almost cannot stand it. It feels like my whole body has been overtaken with something uncontrollable _. “There are things I want to tell you… but I cannot do so yet. But… I will.”__  
  
“Alright,” Shinji sobers up a bit and puts his forehead against Rei’s, “We’re gonna do this,” Shinji says. _I’ve never felt so confident in my entire life. There’s something about her. I feel like I can do this, like WE can do this _.__  
  
“I… hope we ca--”  
  
“--We WILL Rei,” Shinji slightly shakes her shoulders for her to open her eyes.  
  
“Y-yes. We… we will Shinji.” Shinji exhales in relief. _We somehow just avoided a crisis. I’m… seriously lucky _. “It will be incredibly difficult. But… I believe it will be worth it.”__  
  
“I agree. I… you… I,” Shinji laughs softly, _God I can’t get these freakin’ words out when I want to _.__  
  
“I understand.” Rei stares into Shinji’s eyes for the first time that night. It’s like all the words they had were spoken right then. Rei and Shinji both methodically lean in for a hard kiss. They kiss like it’s been a year without it. They let out a needy _Mmm _on each other’s tongues. Shinji bites Rei’s lip accidentally and tries to say sorry but she cuts him off by holding him tighter around the waist and pushing her tongue into his mouth. A noise of surprise echoes from the back of his throat yet he quickly complies and sucks. His hands wander from her shoulders to her thighs and he slowly goes under the skirt of her dress with his nails stopping when he brushes the underwear hugging her pelvis. Rei Releases his lip with a pop. “We should.” Shinji makes a look of confusion. “Make love.” Shinji’s eyes widen considerably.__  
  
“Are you sure? It’s been a while, I wasn’t sure if you liked it.”  
  
“I was sore.” Shinji inwardly cringers. _Of course she was. Why did I not think of that? Idiot _. “I have the box still underneath my bed.” Shinji shakes his head ok. Rei kisses Shinji one more time and walks into the washroom. Shinji stands up to and lifts up the fallen kitchen chairs tucking them in absentmindedly. _How am I so lucky _? The shower turns on with a hiss. He crawls down under her head and reaches around until he feels the small box of condoms that have been untouched since the first time. He wipes the dust off of them against his shirt and separates one condom from the rest tossing the box onto the kitchen table. He uncomfortably taps his foot holding the small condom in his left hand. _I feel kind of nervous all over again _. The shower stops and the pipes creak and tick. He breathes in. Then out. _I’ve done this before, it’s gonna be ok. This is my chance to show her I love her again _. Shinji pulls his shirt over his head and skittishly folds it into four placing it on the bedside table. _Shrrt _. Shinji turns around to see Rei completely naked and dripping with water. He slightly smiles and grabs a towel she keeps in her drawer at the bottom of her bed under the small window. He wraps it around her neck and softly rubs her hair dry giving her soft kisses on the nose as he does so. He pats down her torso quickly and places the towel in the hamper by the bathroom. Rei swiftly tucks herself under the sheets nearest to the wall. Shinji grabs the condom from his pocket and undoes his belt.__________  
  
“C-can you look away for a second?” he asks quietly. She nods and closes her eyes. He quickly pulls down his pants constantly checking to see if she peeked. He rips the covering and slides it on with ease. He gets into the bed and stiffly sits there.  
“S-so…” he swallows his spit, “There’s something I s-saw in some magazine Touji-kun showed me. Can I try it?”  
  
“Yes. You can do what you would like to.”  
  
“But I wanna know if you _want _it.”__  
  
“I would not know what ‘it’ is with such limited detail.” Shinji slaps his forehead. Duh he thinks.  
  
“Well… you’ll see,” he says. He timidly puts his left hand on Rei’s shoulder and moves her to lay on her back while his right land moves back the sheet. “Sp-spread your legs a little bit, thanks.” He positions his body in between her legs and wraps the blanket over his shoulders while getting down on his forearms. He breathes in as he leans his face closer in between her legs. _I have no idea how this will work but I’ll try it _. Shinji puts a kiss on her inner leg and he feels her leg muscle twitch. His eyes glance up to see her staring at his every move. _Gahhh, I feel so nervous _. Shinji sucks it up and kisses the lips. Rei sucks in a deep breath of air.____  
  
“I want it,” Rei stumbles out. Shinji almost laughs. He moves Rei’s one leg so that it hangs over his shoulder. He licks along the outsides of her labia slowly. Rei’s pelvis immediately starts jerking similar to a nervous twitch. He finally takes the next step and softly licks inside her labia. “ _Ungh _, I, mm, did not anticipate it to feel this good.”__  
  
“I’m glad,” he shyly says. He starts taking longer strokes earning more and more moans. He notices how a thin film coats his tongue. _Shit this is kind of addicting _. He licks faster but he doesn’t have a solid rhythm down. He’s not sure what spots he should be hitting so he tries to get all he can. Rei moans louder than before when he licks one specific spot so he attempts to suck there. That gets him the loudest moan yet and Rei’s thighs start to crowd up on his head as her one hand tangles in his shorter hair. She scratches softly at the skin soothingly. He sucks harder and she bucks into his face causing him to get some of her fluid on his chin. He gets up with one arm and wipes it of with the back of his hand. Her legs stay spread open but she sits up and attempts to kiss him. He pulls away quickly. “Wait wait wait, that’s kinda gross Rei.”__  
  
“I see nothing wrong.” Shinji can’t really argue with that so he sits up on one leg and kisses her. It seems like she wanted to know what he tasted since she licks his bottom lip before taking his tongue in her mouth. Her hand idly reaches down between his legs and he instinctively twitches before relaxing. She grips it firmly and starts to fumble with it clumsily moving her hands up and down. _She’s just as new to this as I am. I never really do this stuff to myself either _. He clasps her thin wrist and gently shows her the pace he likes. She stops kissing to watch him move her hand. He lets go and puts that hand on the side of her face while he uses the other to knead her breast. They both watch as his penis gets slightly longer and stiffer. He makes a _knnnr _and jerks himself into her hand.____  
  
“Shittt. This is… so good.” Rei starts moving a little faster; when she gets to the head she slightly grips harder. “Gyrr, _nmgh _, NGH, dammit.” Shinji grabs her wrist and forcibly moves her onto her back getting in between her legs. He makes sure her head is resting on the pillow and then puts the blanket slightly over their waists. “I don’t wanna wait anymore.”__  
  
“Neither do I.” Shinji holds himself up with his hands and leans down to take her breast into his mouth. She lets out a noise of contentment and rubs his back.  
  
“Can I leave a mark?” he says with a full mouth.  
  
“Yes.”  
  
_Suuuck, POP _. _So hot _, he thinks to himself.____  
  
“Alright, can you lead it in?” Rei takes his penis in her hand and rubs the tip against her lips covering it with herself. She puts the head slightly in.  
  
“You may go in. F- _mmf _.” He wasted no time pushing himself in. He stayed still for a second then achingly slow, he started to move. She groaned when he was fully inside so he slowly started to pull himself out then in again. “I’m getting used to it. Be slow please.”__  
  
“Don’t worry, I will.” His face is positioned a few inches above hers. He takes in every expression she makes reading her silent signs. She starts to wince less so he begins to move faster building up to a faster rhythm. He can tell how aroused she is by how loud it sounds when he moves in and out faster. _That noise is so hot I feel like I could finish just thinking about how much I could taste _. He lets out a satisfied groan at that. Rei puts her legs around his waist locking them at the ankle. He watches as her breasts move with every thrust and he experiments by doing slower yet deeper movements. _The way they bounce up is killing me _. “R- _nrgh _\--Rei! Can I go harder?” Rei shakes her head yes and starts panting the second he hits deep. He gets on his forearms aching for the touch of her breasts on his chest and wraps his arms under her bony back. He tucks his face into her shoulder and starts to pound her again and again. They both moan at the same time with a combination of _huff _, nrgh and NFF, _MrRghh _. “F- _uuuuck _,” he slips out.____________  
  
“Indeed,” she huffs. Shinji freely laughs for once, and Rei lets out a breath of one.  
  
“This is so good--grrryh, I’m not gonna be able to wait too much more.”  
  
“Neither will I. _Mmmm _, I would like-- _hhh _\--faster.” Shinji immediately gets back up on his palms and starts moving. He decides to stop hitting so deep, _she might be really sore already _, and starts to just let the speed take over. His hips and hers start moving at the same pace and the bed starts to _dkk dkk dkk dkk dkk _against the wall. Their frantic pants and moans fill up the room just like the heat radiating off their young bodies. Shinji’s muscles ache and shiver but he pushes through not willing to stop. Rei’s hands hold onto his ribs tightly.________  
  
“Sh- _Shinji _! Gfff- _Himmmf _!” Rei’s lips part and her eyes widen as she chokes on her own words. Her body tense and he feels her insides close in on him. He can’t pull out. He moans and cums with a hard jerk hitting his nose on her chin before he collapses on top of her.____  
  
….  
  
He pulls himself out and falls onto his side. Rei closes her legs and grimaces. _Yeah I sort of went overboard a little bit. She’s definitely gonna be sore _.__  
  
“Sorry, I have a feeling that might hurt for a while.”  
  
”It will fade,” she passingly replies. She rolls onto her side and grabs his hand putting it between her legs again.  
  
“What’re you…?” _JEEEZ. She’s freakin’ drenched with that stuff _.__  
  
“I want to do it again.”  
  
“Wh--Already?!”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
….  
  
“I.. don’t think peni--er--I don’t think guys can do that.” The sheets rustle as Rei straddles his waist.  
  
“I guess we will see.”  
  
  
**Twenty minutes Later ******  
  
“HOLY SHIT! REI, I CAN’T AGAIN IT’S BEEN THREE NOW!” Shinji begs. His body is so weak that he lies limply on his back while Rei sits tall on his stomach.  
  
“Mmm, I am satisfied now.”  
  
_THANK GOD _, he cries.__  
  
“I love you,” she says with a smile.  



	5. We Can (NOT) Forgive Ourselves

  
_The Next Day at 7:36 AM _  
  
“Misato-san?” Asuka calls sticking her head out of the bathroom door. Misato looks up from the files she’s going over at the kitchen table. “Did Shinji-kun ever come back last night?” Misato smiles and takes a sip of her morning beer.  
  
“He did not. He stayed at Re--SHIT!” Misato jumps from the table startling Asuka and knocking over her beer. “I forgot to give him his damn clothes!” Misato scurries into his room and Asuka rolls her eyes. _Why does everyone rush to do anything for that idiot? He can take care of himself _. Asuka closes the bathroom door and settles into the bath. She tries to close her eyes. _Tch, I can’t believe all those girls at school talk about Shinji so much. And all the boys talk about Rei like she’s hot shit. WHY?! She says almost nothing! What do they see in them _? Asuka tucks her knees to her chest. And takes a deep breath in then out. _Why should it even bother me? Who cares about them, I’m ME _. Her lips turns up on one side, but it quickly turns into a frown. _Liar _.  
  
“Asuka-san! I’m leaving now! Don’t be late to school!” Misato yells out. _Swooosh Dtt _. Asuka growls.  
  
“Shut up,” she says to no one, “Why even go to school? I can’t even read the fuckin’ KANJI!” Asuka gets up with a start and stomps over to her clothes leaving puddles in her wake. She whips her clothes on and starts to blow dry her hair. She stands in front of the mirror and looks at herself while doing so. She looks deep into her eyes. _Who even is that? I don’t think anyone knows anymore. Nothing’s even looking back at me _. Asuka bites her lip before it trembles. She fixes her collar and walks out of the house.  
  
_8:00 AM _  
  
Shinji woke up in Rei’s bed cold and alone. He heard the shower hissing. He rubbed at his eyes and pulled back the covers. _At least I got my underwear back on _. He got up and started to put his pants on while his thoughts wandered to last night. A shy smile lit up his face. _Knock Knock _. Shinji froze and the shower immediately shut off. _Who is that? What if Dad’s come to get us _? Shinji tiptoes over to the bathroom just as Rei steps out in her clothes that are now damp. They look at each other then to the door.  
  
“Come onnnn already!” Misato’s voice says, both Rei and Shinji breathe again. Shinji opens the door and Rei gets their lunches ready. Misato was just about to speak until she looks at Shinji. She takes his chin in her hand and turns it.  
  
“H-hey!”  
  
“Shinji you have a hickey on your neck. How the hell are you going to hide that?” Shinji reflexively slaps his hand against his neck and checks the mirror. _Crap _. Rei continues to get their food ready without saying a word. Misato throws a bag of clothes at him. “School starts in twenty minutes I’m gonna have to drive you.” Shinji nods. “So be quick!”  
  
_12:03 AM _  
  
Shinji and Rei, thanks to Misato’s wild driving, made it to school with five minutes to spare. Misato gave them a long lecture about safe sex along the way, to Shinji’s dismay. Rei acted as nonchalant as expected. It was now lunch time, and Shinji was on edge as no one had yet noticed the mark on his neck. It’s only a matter of time before Touji or Asuka-kun yell about it. He continuously tried to pop his collar up but it kept flimsily falling back into place. Rei asked him earlier to come sit with her for lunch on the rooftop. Most kids were doing that since the teachers finally allowed it. The teachers realized life was short, but it was also getting scarier and uglier by the day with how many Angel attacks constantly hit. When Rei and Shinji got to the roof, only about four other kids were up there. Shinji led Rei to the quietest and most secluded spot. There were no benches, just a grey checked tile and a chain-link fence. Shinji sat down with legs crossed, as did Rei, and they shared the small amount of lunch Rei had time to make. It was a comfortable silence they shared. They both took time to look at all of the water and forests that were spread out before them. _I almost never notice how great Tokyo-3 can look. I feel like all I ever think about is how awful this place makes me feel _. He looks over at Rei as she stares out. _I’m not sure if that’s so true anymore _.  
  
“I wish this fence was not here.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“It feels like I am stuck here because of it. I wish that if I wanted to, I could jump.”  
  
“Why would you say that?” Shinji asks concerned. Rei closes up their bento box and stands up. He looks up at her confused. _Fttt _. Rei slides one foot back and then whips the bento box over the fence. “What are you doing?!”  
  
“I wanted it to be free,” she replies simply. She sits back down closes to Shinji with her legs tucked under her. “I got to do that out of choice and it feels… amazing.” Shinji frowns slightly.  
  
“Are you happy?” he asks.  
  
….  
  
“I am. But I am not entirely as of yet.” Shinji looks away and scratches his head. _I guess I should have expected as much _. “Last night,” she starts, “I was the happiest I could ever imagine being.” Shinji looks back to see her smiling at him. _The way she’s smiling… her eyes really show it… I think this is the first time she’s done that _. Shinji lets out a laugh of authentic delight and relief. He tugs at his chest through his shirt and closes his eyes.  
  
“I love you so much Rei,” Shinji laughs and those laughs suddenly turn into soft cries. He quickly covers up his eyes with one hand. “S-sorry, _sniff _, I dunno why I--”  
  
“--SHINJI-KUN?!”  
  
Shinji and Rei both jump. Shinji tries rubbing his face harder leaving red marks all over his face.  
  
“Heeeey! Shinji!!! Where you at?” he hears Touji yell.  
  
“C-crap, sniff, I don’t want them to see me like this” he whispers. Rei kisses him on the lips and stands him up.  
  
“Go. I will distract them.”  
  
“T-thank you Rei.” She nods and walks toward the crowd of three. She turns the corner and nearly bumps into Asuka.  
  
“SHIN--oh,” Asuka stares her up and down with her nose tilted upward. Touji and kensuke meet up with them at the same time. Kensuke whispers a _hey _Rei with a slight wave. Touji looks at him and shakes his head.  
  
“Where’s Shin-man?” Touji asks.  
  
“I am not sure, he has not come up here yet.”  
  
“Lame,” Touji shrugs, “Let’s go Kensuke, I have some cool ‘mags’ to show you.” Touji starts to pull him along.  
  
“H-Hang on! Rei-chan is--”  
  
“--Nah,” Touji retorts and drags him anyway. All that’s left is an intimidating Asuka and a straight-faced Rei.  
  
….  
  
“So…” Asuka mumbles, “Is he a better boyfriend than he is a pilot?”  
  
“I suppose it depends on if you think he is not a strong pilot.”  
  
“I didn’t say _‘strong’ _I said _GOOD _,” Asuka rolls her eyes and takes a step back, “Anyway, I think we should try to be friends. How about it?” Asuka smiles wide.  
  
“Only if I am ordered to do so,” Rei answers. Asuka’s face drops.  
  
“You kidding?”  
  
“I am not.” Asuka scoffs. Rei begins to walk past her to the door downstairs but Asuka quickly grabs her arm.  
  
“Who the hell are you to--”  
  
“--Who are you to touch me?” Rei retorts. Asuka lets go and Rei walks out. Asuka stands there fuming. _WHAT IS WITH THESE PEOPLE? IS SHE SERIOUS?! HOW DENSE CAN YOU BE? _Asuka punches the wooden wall. _BAM _. Everyone on the rooftop looks at her.  
  
“WHAT?!” she yells. Everyone swings their eyes in other directions. Asuka sprints off the rooftop and into the nearest bathroom stall holding her bloody fist.  
  
_3:21 PM _  
  
_DING DING DING _.  
  
“Class dismissed,” says Hikari, the class representative. The class stands up and bows, thanking the teacher. Shinji walks to Rei’s desk and helps put her stuff into her bag.  
  
“Thanks again for earlier,” Rei nods, “Everything ok?” Rei looks over his shoulder to Asuka who’s glaring at her from her seat in the front before stomping out of the room.  
  
“Pilot 02 tried to befriend me.” Rei started to walk to the lockers. Shinji raised a brow and followed as she went.  
  
“And… how’d that go?”  
  
“I said only if I was ordered to do so.” Shinji laughed and covered his mouth. “I do not understand why that would be funny.”  
  
“Well, Rei…” Shinji held Rei’s hand to stop her and pulled her into a secluded hallway while all the other school kids ran to the exits. “Remember what you were saying about doing what you want?” Rei noded. “Well maybe you’d want to make more friends now?”  
  
“Why? I have you.” Shinji smiled, flattered.  
  
“That’s nice Rei, but there are other people too. Maybe you can make her less… um…”  
  
“Rude. Vulgar. Aggressive--”  
  
“--Yep! Heh,” Shinji nervously shrugged. “I can’t say I like her much either, but maybe???”  
  
“Maybe,” she answered.  
  
“Great! Then come home with me tonight, we can both try talking with her.”  
  
“She lives with you now?” Rei asks as they start walking again.  
  
“Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you yesterday. But uh, yeah, she does.” _She gets to live with him _? Rei felt a twinge in her chest. _I wish I had such a chance _. While they walked, Shinji called Misato to ask if they needed groceries. _Of course we need them. No one in the place can even TRY to freakin’ cook _. They made a quick stop and Rei wandered off within the store. Shinji lugged around a large hand basket looking for her. The store was two floors so he was getting slightly worried the longer he looked. The only spot he hadn’t checked was the medicine isles. _Why would she be there _? He checked one by one, and at the very last aisle, he spotted the blue hair.  
  
“Rei!” he called. Shinji walked toward her hitting his leg against the basket for the fiftieth time. “What’re yo--OH!” Shinji nearly dropped the basket. Rei had been looking at the large section of contraceptives and “toys”. Shinji frantically started looking around them to see if anyone saw them. “R-Rei m-maybe we should go now right?” Rei reached out to three items; ribbed condoms, a small pink vibrator, and a blue bottle of “jelly”. Shinji gagged and coughed looking anywhere but at her. “W-we --u-um, d-do--n’t--”  
  
“--I believe they will be useful later,” she casually voices, throwing the three items on top of the groceries. Shinji squeaks and hides them under all the vegetables. When they get to the counter Shinji blushes uncontrollably and hands Rei his money before leaping out of sight.  
  
_Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep _. The clerk takes a look at Rei and then back down to the products shaking her head in disapproval. _Beep. Beep. Beep _. Rei checks out and bows her head grabbing the bags and walking comfortably out of the store.  
  
“D-did she say anything?!” Shinji questions while nervously bouncing on one foot.  
  
“She did not.” Shinji takes a bag and exhales.  
  
_4:07 PM _  
  
_Shwoop _.  
  
“We’re here!” Shinji hollars. Rei and him kick their shoes off and tumble into the kitchen. “You guys home?” Shinji listens for a minute and hears no reply. He looks at Rei and they shrug. They drop the groceries on the counter and Rei starts cooking the vegetarian dish for herself while Shinji cuts up the meats. They work around each other peacefully with few words being said. Rei finishes early and rests her hip against the counter with her hands folded out in front. She watches as he cooks and tries to collect as much of it to memory as possible. Shinji doesn’t mind, he starts to narrate each thing he does. They finish cooking within twenty minutes.  
  
“Seriously where are they? Misato said they were here when I called.” Shinji huffs worriedly. He reaches to his back pocket for his phone. _That’s weird. I had it right there _. He pats his other pockets to find nothing. “ _Argh _… Misato’s gonna kill me.”  
  
“I will look around.” Shinji nods and checks around the kitchen. Rei walks to the doorway and checks near his shoes. _Ah, there it is _. She bends down to grab it and the door slides open quickly behind her. She hears a stomp of a foot and turns around.  
  
“Hi Rei!” Misato greets, “Sorry we were late, Asuka-chan needed to get pa--”  
  
“--DON’T TELL HER THAT!” Asuka shoves herself through the door and marches o the kitchen. Misato shrugs and Rei blinks, unfazed. “Shinji-kun! Where’s my dinner?!” Asuka begins to rummage through the bags before Shinji even has a chance to speak.  
  
“AAAAAAAAGHHHH!” Misato sprints into the room and catches a flying box of condoms.  
  
“Oh my,” she says with a laugh. Misato turns to Rei and hands her the box, “Nice pick.” Rei nods her head. Shinji has just about fallen onto the floor.  
  
“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN _‘NICE PICK’ _?! IS THAT ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY?!” Misato and Rei pick up the other belongings and put them back into the plastic bag that lays haphazardly on the floor.  
  
“At least they’re being safe right?”  
  
“WHA-- WHAT KINDA GUARDIAN ARE YOU?!” Asuka nearly faints as she’s so disgusted she has to brace herself on the chair. Shinji stands in the furthest corner of the room covering his ears and closing his eyes. _Not happening Not happening Not happening _. Rei walks to the stove and reaches up to get plates out. Asuka stares at her wide-eyed as she scoops food onto each plate. Misato opens the fridge and grabs a cold beer before slouching down in her seat. Rei sets each plate down with a set of chopsticks on the side. Asuka and Shinji still stand in the same spot. Rei finally sits down gracefully and begins to eat. Misato opens her food-full mouth.  
  
“You guys just gonna watch us eat?” TCH Asuka hisses out and grabs her sticks and plate and bolts to her room nearly knocking Shinji over. Rei looks in the direction Asuka went then back to her plate. Shinji slowly takes a seat next to Rei and starts eating without muttering a word. The whole time they ate, no one spoke a word in the house. When Shinji was done, he took their plates and set them in the sink. He turned around to find Misato and Rei staring directly at each other. He looked back and forth at them getting more and more concerned as time passed. He stuck a hand in his pocket.  
  
“So…” he interjects.  
  
“You’ve really changed Rei.”  
  
….  
  
“Yes.” Rei answers. Misato and Rei continue to stare. _This is so uncomfortable. Should I leave _? Shinji scratches his neck and turns back to the sink to start brushing them down.  
  
“For Shinji?” Misato asks seriously. Shinji pauses.  
  
“No. For myself. But, he has helped.” Shinji smiles to himself and continues.  
  
“I’m so glad,” Misato whispers, “I’m sorry… that I’ve never tried with you before.” Misato leans forward and puts her right hand on her left shoulder as if to block herself off.  
  
“There was no reason to,” Rei says, “I was never your responsibility.”  
  
“That’s bullshit!” Misato yells startling Shinji and a pouting Asuka who’s listening in with one ear against her door. Shinji turns around to look at Misato. _Wow she looks kind of scary again _. “I knew Shinji for one day and I offered to keep him here. And Asuka-kun only knew me for a short time as well. I’ve been working with Nerv far too long, and I’ve known you for far too long. It’s no excuse. I should have tried. I could have helped yo--”  
  
“No one can,” Rei lets out weakly. Misato opens her mouth then closes it. Shinji shuts the water off and watches Rei. Even Asuka begrudgingly feels a sting in her chest. Rei focuses on a door far down the hall to keep tears back. She absently scratches at her plate with the chopsticks in her hand. Misato looks at Shinji. _I don’t know what to say _, he mouths. Misato nuges her head violently in the direction of Rei and mouths _FUCKING DO SOMETHING _. Shinji takes the advice and pulls into the chair next to her. From her room, Asuka frowns wishing she had some sort of x-ray vision to see what was happening.  
  
“R-Rei,” Shinji weakly utters.  
  
….  
  
_Scr. Scrrr. Scrrrrr _. Rei repeatedly scrapes the chopsticks against the plate. Shinji softly reaches for her wrist and takes the sticks out placing them on the table. He laces her fingers with his. Misato places her hand on top of theirs. Rei looks back at her to see a soft smile. She looks at Shinji. _He looks so worried. Over me _. Rei’s eyes water up more.  
  
“Hey, it’s gonna be ok. Remember what we talked about last night?” Rei nods. “Well, we… sort of have a plan right? We’re gonna be together no matter what.” _You have no idea how accurate that is Shinji. I… I feel guilt. So much guilt. It feels like I am making the biggest mistake, while also feeling like it is the right choice. I was born to carry out what Commander Ikari wants. I am obligated to do so. I have to. I can’t tell anyone. No one would understand. I can’t put the burden on anyone else. But If I choose to share myself with Shinji… am I hurting him more by NOT telling him _? Rei puts her hand to her forehead and leans her elbow on the table. _I can’t leave him. I need him. I want him. I love him _. A tear finally drops from Rei’s eyes before multiple start falling. Misato’s face wrinkles into pain as she pulls her hand back.  
  
“S-Shinji, _sniff _, I do not think-- _sniff _, we can do this anymore.” Shinji’s eyes close and he holds her hand tighter. “There is too much--sniff--I can’t tell you. It’s for the better.” Shinji covers his face with a hand and breathes heavily. Misato sits silently. “I can not… I can not… I can not--”  
  
_SHWOOP. Stomp _.  
  
“Hey!” Asuka yells causing everyone to look up. “Stop it!” Asuka yells directly at Rei. Asuka marches toward Rei and picks her up by the arm. Misato and Shinji jump up.  
  
“Asuka-chan. Let. Go.” Misato commands. Asuka ignores her completely and continues her assault.  
  
“You act like a God damn doll. Who are you? WHAT ARE YOU HERE FOR?” Shinji starts to raise his voice but Asuka talks louder. “IF YOU KEEP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF YOU’LL BE JUST LIKE ME!” Everyone stops. Rei finally looks at Asuka within the four inches apart their faces are. “I know what everyone says about me. I know everyone _hates _me. I know all of _you _hate me,” Asuka mumbles, “But none of that means a damn thing. BECAUSE I HATE MYSELF THE MOST!” Asuka makes direct eye contact with Rei. “Stop feeling sorry for yourself. DO. _SOMETHING _. BE. SOMEONE. Stop saying you can’t and start saying you CAN!” Asuka releases Rei suddenly and Shinji catches her before she hits the floor. Misato nearly lunges at Asuka before--  
  
“Misato-san! I needed to hear it,” Rei coughs. Misato shakes her fist at Asuka and sits back down. Asuka rolls her eyes and leans against the wall pretending not to care. “You are right, Asuka-san.” Asuka looks up with an eyebrow quirked. _That’s the first time she’s said her name _, Shinji thinks. “I want to start being myself. And… I need to tell you all something.” She looks around the room and bows her head. “It is going to take a long time.”  
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As of this chapter, there will be two chapters left. Thank you for reading, I encourage you to leave comments and tell me what I can improve in the future!


	6. We Will (NOT) Overcome

  
_8:52 PM _  
  
“That is all… I am… sorry.” Rei bows her head. Asuka, Shinji, and Misato, sit in their seats at the table with mouths agape. No one says anything for quite some time. Asuka thinks to herself, _wow… maybe I’m not so fucked up after all _. Misato thinks, _Kaji had told me about some of the things Nerv did… but THIS. This really changes things _. Shinji however, has thoughts running so rampant he can hardly breathe. His chest pounds and aches. His hands and feet are numb. His skin feels tingly yet hot all over. _Rei… has part of my Mother in her. MY. MOTHER. When I first saw her… I knew SOMETHING was familiar. I felt drawn to her like no one else. I felt like I loved her from the very beginning. How FUCKED up is that _? Shinji stands up abruptly and walks to his room closing the door behind him. Rei watches, ashamed.  
  
“Damn,” Asuka says surprised.  
  
“I am not surprised,” Rei dejectedly says.  
  
“I think he will be understanding in time.”  
  
“Eh, I dunno,” Asuka says. Rei sinks in her chair and Misato shakes her head at Asuka.  
  
“Rei, he _will _. But if he doesn’t stir soon, you need to push him.”  
  
“I do not think so. I am a betrayal to him.”  
  
“No you’re not.”  
  
“Yes she is!” Asuka chimes in to Misato’s dismay. “She’s literally the reason his Mom is dead.” Rei exhales sharply.  
  
“Asuka, go to your room.” The tone in Misato’s voice chilled Asuka’s bones.  
  
“Hang on alright? I’m just being honest--”  
  
“--Asu--”  
  
“-- _Listen _! That baka is such a hard head that he stood up to his Dad for you. Even _I _can tell how scary that was for a wuss like him. He hardly even knew his Mother I thought. What does it matter if a ‘part’ of her is you?”  
  
“It is not just a part. She and I are the same.”  
  
“You’re not though, _you’re _Rei. She’s… Yui or whatever.”  
  
“I suppose that is true,” Rei mumbles. “But individuality is complicated. There are fine lines. Now when he looks at me, he will only see his Mother.” Asuka gags thinking about them having sex while he sees his Mom’s face.  
  
“Actually,” Misato interjects, “he has never seen a picture of his Mother. She died when he was young and his Father got rid of them.” Rei takes that in. _I suppose that would help to some extent _. “With all those plans by Commander Gendo however… well, that’s a whole other thing. I have some work to do. That part is not on you, or any of you kids.” Asuka nods, _GOOD. That was way over my head anyway. Besides, I just need to pilot, I don’t care who I fight for _. “I need to go have a talk with someone,” Misato says throwing her coat on that was hanging on the back of her seat. “Do you need a ride home?”  
  
“I…” Rei looks toward Shinji’s door.  
  
“If you don’t talk to him, I will’ Asuka threatens. Rei taps her foot.  
  
“May I stay tonight?” Misato nods.  
  
“No school or Nerv tomorrow. You and Shinji should take the day off,” Misato then looks at Asuka, “You however, need to go to both.”  
  
“How’s that fair?!” Asuka pouts.  
  
“They need space. I mean it,” Misato waves Asuka off and walks out the door. Asuka stomps on the floor and balls up her fists.  
  
“...Bullshit.”  
  
_Meanwhile in Shinji’s Room _  
  
_Dan dan. Da do doo. Da do de _.  
  
Shinji’s earbuds block out the rest of the world. He lays on his back staring at his ceiling. He looks over every crack and shadow multiple times. His cool colored room lets in a bright ray of light from outside that always reflects over his light blue sheets all the way to his closet by the door. _My Mom. Rei. How similar are they? I have no one to tell me. Is it wrong for me to love Rei then? When we… have sex… I like it. Does that make me a freak? Is something wrong with me? Does Rei have her memories? Does Rei look like her? Does Rei only like me because my Mother did? Shinji puts his arm over his eyes. Just stop thinking about it. Pretend it isn’t happening. But… I can’t even do that anymore. I want so bad for this to just be a normal life… but it never HAS been. I pilot fucking robots! Shinji laughs in pity. Now I screw my Mom _?  
  
“DAMMIT!” Shinji yells out. He sits up in his bed and whips his pillow across the room. _Dad knew this. Dad did this to Mom _! “HOW COULD YOU?! HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO SOMEONE?! HOW CAN YOU HURT MOM?! HOW CAN YOU HURT ME?!” Shinji throws his music player into the wall, breaking it completely. Asuka hears it from her room, but covers her ears with her pillow. Rei hears it too. She turned all the lights off in the house and has been sitting on the couch for about ten minutes diving through her own thoughts. Shinji falls to the floor on his knees. “I just wanna run away… I’m sick of the Evas. I’m sick of school. I’m sick of my Dad. I’m sick of _myself _. I’m sick of feeling horrible.” Shinji stands up. _Tussle tussle _. Shinji picks up his backpack to then dump it out on the floor. _Shttt _. He grabs some clothes from his closet and stuffs them in the bag. He throws the bag over his shoulder. _Shwoop _. Shinji marches to the front door. He sits down on the stoop and gets his shoes on slowly. _I can’t do this anymore. I can’t trust anyone it feels like. They don’t need me anyway. They’ll be better off without me _. Shinji ties the last knot and spins around to see Rei standing in front of the door.  
  
….  
  
….  
  
….  
  
“I’m better alone,” Shinji says.  
  
“You do not truly believe that.”  
  
“Yeah I do.”  
  
“No. You fear being alone. You hate it, do you not?”  
  
….  
  
“It’s better than constantly being in pain.”  
  
“You do not believe that either.” Shinji looks at his feet in the darkness.  
  
“But you and I… we _can’t _. You’re….”  
  
”I am neither false nor fake. I am me.” Shinji looks up into her eyes. “Those who hate themselves cannot love and trust others... Did you ever really love me?”  
  
“Did?” he slips out. He takes a second to realize what he said. “I… _do _, still. I love you.”  
  
“You love me. And I love you.”  
  
“Yes, I… I do love you.”  
  
“Who am I to you?”  
  
….  
  
….  
  
“Ayanami Rei. Pilot of Unit-00. And… and my girlfriend.” Shinji loses his breath. He drops his bag on the floor next to his feet. _I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away _. Shinji clenches his fists them releases. He reaches for the table lamp next to the door. _Clank _. Shinji can finally see Rei in the light. _For the first time, I see her as who she really is. Yes. She comes from my Mother. But she’s not my Mother… she’s _,  
  
“My girlfriend,” Shinji whimpers, “I’m _so _sorry. I… I finally see _YOU _, Rei!” Shinji grabs the back of his collar and pulls it. “Rei! I finally _KNOW _\-- I finally know _YOU _!” Shinji takes a big step forward and clutches Rei against him. She holds his back with just as much strength.  
  
“I know you as well Shinji. I feel like I always have.” Shinji nods, finally understanding. He leans back to kiss Rei. _It feels so different now. It feels like we’re one in almost every way _. Rei threads her fingers through his short hair. He moves his head back again and puts the tip of his nose on hers.  
  
“What are we gonna do about Dad?” Rei looks to the left in thought before she answers.  
  
“He can not know I told any of you. Especially about the dummy plugs.” Shinji grits his teeth.  
  
“I can’t believe he could do that to someone,” Rei _mmm _’s. “He might think you’re replaceable, but I sure don’t.” Shinji holds her waist tighter. “No one can replace you.”  
  
“There are at least twenty copies…” Rei sadly adds. Shinji cringes. _How could he need that many! What would he even use them for _?! Shinji sees the sadness on her face and kisses her cheeks before lifting her feet off the floor.  
  
“Jeez you’re so light,” Shinji laughs.  
  
“Why are you carrying me?” Rei stiffly asks. Shinji puts his legs behind her knees and holds her bridal-style.  
  
“I… don’t know, just kind of am…” Shinji starts moving toward his room and nearly knocks her head against the door. She sighs. Shinji winces. She closes the door for him and he sets her on the bed before jumping in himself.  
  
“I must take off my clothes, I hate sleeping with them.”  
  
“Uh, sure.” Rei sits up and starts to unzip her dress. It gets stuck halfway, so Shinji nervously helps. She pulls the dress over her head and lays back down with her bra and underwear exposed. Shinji stares slightly, so Rei breaks him out of it.  
  
“Do you always sleep in your clothes?”  
  
“N-no.”  
  
“Then you should change.” Shinji nods. _Duh. Idiot _, he chides himself. He gets up and takes off his pants leaving his underwear on and undoes his button up. He reaches into his closet to find a tank top, throwing it over his head. He finally gets in the bed and lays his head down next to Rei. He lays on his back tensely with his arms straight at his sides.  
  
….  
  
“There’s not much room, heh,” he whispers. Rei puts her hand on his stomach and pulls him closer to her against the wall forcing Shinji to face her.  
  
….  
  
“I… am sorry I can not be what you want me to be,” Rei breathily says. Shinji twitches.  
  
“What do you mean? I don’t expect _anything _from you. I didn’t even expect you to like me.”  
  
“I suppose that is true.” Rei sounds unconvinced. Shinji scratches his chest, unsure of what to say.  
  
“...I can’t prove it to you yet. But one day. One day I will.” Rei looks at him, insecure, but she nods. “Go to bed Rei, I’ll be here with you,” he smiles. Rei holds his hand under the covers and closes her eyes.  
  
_10:21 PM _  
  
_Ritsuko may have known about all of this the whole time… and so did Kaji _. Misato’s been sitting in her car outside of the apartment for about an hour. Her head is resting against the glass and her arms are wrapped around herself. _I don’t know who’s against me or with me anymore… and I don’t know how to play this game. Should I act like nothing happened… and obey orders. Or do I play the cards and take a chance of getting killed _? She’s been racking her brain thinking about all the things Rei told her, and what she didn’t say. _What is Commander Ikari’s endgame? Why does it seem like Ritsuko helps him. What has Kaji been doing behind everyone’s back _? Misato sits up in her seat and rests her arms and chin on the steering wheel. _I feel like I have to do something. Anything. I just can’t live my life ‘getting by’ anymore _. Misato puts the key in the ignition and pulls her phone out. _I don’t wanna do this _… She dials Kaji’s number. _Bzzzz. Bzzzzz. Bzzzz _.  
  
“Misato! I knew you’d miss me too much to--”  
  
“--Kaji. I need answers.”  
  
“...So you figured something out.”  
  
“You could say that,” Misato remarks, “Can we speak in person?”  
  
“Yeah, sure. Meet me at--”  
  
Misato types in the address and speeds away.  
  
_The Next Day. 8:21 AM _  
  
“ _Yaaaaawn _,” Shinji opens his eyes to see Rei staring back at him. He shivers a little but doesn’t budge. _Not creepy at all _. “Hey.”  
  
“Good morning. We do not need to report to Nerv.”  
  
“Right- _awww _,” Shinji yawns again and stretches his legs. He shuffles out of the bed and puts socks on. He turns around and hands some socks to Rei. She puts them on from the side of the bed. She looks so cute doing that. Then his eyes wander from her feet to her pale blue bra. _...So hot _. Shinji giggles at himself inwardly, figures that’s what I’d think about first thing in the morning. Rei stands up and starts to put her dress on to Shinji’s dismay. Shinj takes a big step over to her and keeps her from zipping it in the back.  
  
“Can you wait just a second? I kinda wanna…” Rei lets go of the dress and Shinji holds it just below her waist (wrinkling the skirt in the process). He puts a kiss at the top of her neck and kisses down her back till the underwear stops him. Rei closes her eyes and lets him continue. He tries kissing the skin of her back by sucking slightly and Rei nearly falls over before Shinji keeps her steady. “So it’s a good thing then?” Rei nods enthusiastically and Shinji spins her to face him. She reaches up to his mouth with hers and bites his lip. _Nrghhh. That never gets old _. Shinji’s right hand rolls up her stomach to her breast and kneads through her bra while she kisses him deeper. Rei’s fingers nimbly reach for the top of his boxers until they both hear a,  
  
\-- _SHWOOP. Stomp stomp stomp stomp _.  
  
They break apart and rapidly throw their clothes on just before the door flies open.  
  
“Hey Baka what ha--” Asuka stops abruptly to see Rei zipping up her dress and Shinji with his arm stuck in his shirt. “Figures.” Asuka slams the door closed. “You better still make me breakfast!” Shinji sighs and fixes his shirt before he and Rei step into the kitchen. Shinji had no problem walking until he quickly realized how tight his pants felt. He looks down then up. _DAMMIT! What am I gonna do now _?! Shinji smiles at Rei nervously before pulling out a kitchen chair and softly setting himself into it.  
  
“M-maybe you could cook this time? Heh” Rei raises an eyebrow but does what he says.  
  
_9:04 AM _  
  
“Alright--sounds good, see you then!” Asuka yells into her phone. Shinji winces and covers his ears. She snaps the phone off and shoves it into her pants pocket. “I’m gonna go out with Hikari-kun today,” Asuka says while sipping her water, “So don’t wait up for me!” _Thank Godddddddd. Wouldn’t plan on it _. Rei comes out of the bathroom to see Asuka flying toward the door.  
  
“Just gonna be us today Rei,” Shinji excitedly says. Rei smiles with him and sits on his lap on the couch.  
  
“I would like to go clothes shopping I think.”  
  
“That actually sounds kind of fun,” Shinji kisses the back of her head, “Wanna go now?” Rei nods and they head off.  
  
_Fifteen Minutes Later _  
  
Rei and Shinji step into the four-story mall timidly holding hands. Rei looks around before guiding them into a fast-fashion store. Shinji follows with no apprehension. While she browses, he gets to look at her and as if a game, he tries to take her reactions and think of how she’s feeling or what she’s thinking. _This is way easier now _. Rei releases his hand to pick up a pair of black and grey Converse. She flips them over to the soles. _I bet she’s thinking about price and how well they’ll support her feet, and I’m willing to bet she won’t like them because they aren’t white _.  
  
“What’re you thinkin’ about Rei?”  
  
“I would prefer these in white.” Shinji smiles to himself and gives himself a pat on the back. He looks over a few shoes and grabs all-white Converse.  
  
“Like these?” Rei takes them and looks them over.  
  
“I suppose I do not need them,” Rei sullenly says. Shinji looks at the shoes she has on. They’re all white slip ons, but they’re starting to fade into a tan with how often she wear them.  
  
“I think you should get ‘em. Besides, I doubt you spend much money in general.” Rei thinks about it and holds them under her arm while looking elsewhere in the store. Shinji follows closely behind but get nervous as soon as she enters the bra and underwear aisle. He scratches his neck and checks to see if other women are looking at him. “H-hey I think I’ll be in the--”  
  
“--Help me pick something out,” she demands. _Nrrr, I feel weird _. Shinji shuffles around behind her until he notices a set of matching pale blue.  
  
“Hey um, these are… nice?” He points to it without making eye-contact. Rei grabs them and inspects. _So he likes lace. I see _. She tucks them under her arm with the shoes. “Here, let me hold something,” Rei offers him the bra with a smirk, “Uh--maybe not that.” Rei hands him the shoes and he holds them with two fingers.  
  
“Would you like to pick up any clothes Shinji?” Shinji thinks about it then looks down to the same black pants and white button-up he wears nearly everyday. He nods yes and so they head to the mens department. On the escalator ride up, Shinji notices Asuka and Hikari. He ducks behind Rei.  
  
“Dammit! They really had to come _here _?!” Rei scans the lower floor and sees Asuka being dragged around by Hikari. Asuka’s grumpy face makes Rei laugh inwardly.  
  
“At least she does not notice us.” They step off the escalator and Shinji launches into the clothing section for cover. Rei slowly follows him and shakes her head.  
  
“You’re right…” Shinji sighs. He looks around at the clothes from one spot and declares, “I don’t see anything for me.”  
  
“We have not even begun to look,” Shinji pulls at his pants leg with a look of awkwardness. “Do you not feel comfortable?” Shinji shakes his head no.  
  
“I feel weird about clothes, I feel like I’m… too skinny, heh. I don’t really look good in anything.”  
  
“I do not understand. I believe most people desire to be thin.”  
  
“Well not me,” he irritably answers, “Everyone always points it out. I wanna be bigger.”  
  
“Perhaps a shirt with horizontal stripes would fill you out?” Shinji looks at her again.  
  
“That’s a thing?”  
  
“It is, I’ve read many fashion articles that state such a thing.” Rei begins to search for the perfect shirt. _I never thought she’d be into stuff like that _. “Do you like this?” Rei picks out a thin striped red shirt.  
  
“I rather it be black or blue.” Rei nods. Shinji looks behind them. A female and male mannequin set are holding each others waist and looking at one another. The boy is wearing a black striped shirt with dark grey jeans while the girl is wearing a black skirt and a red shirt with shoulder cutouts. Shinji reaches behind him to blindly pull on Rei’s sleeve and then points to the mannequins. “We should get those outfits,” he says with confidence. Rei and him walk over and pick up the matching clothes they have laid out on the shelf.  
  
“Let’s try them on,” she suggests.  
  
_Five Minutes Later _  
  
_Knock Knock _.  
  
“You good Rei?” Rei opens the door in response and she steps out with her new clothes and shoes. “You look really pretty. Not… that I expected any less of you,” Shinji smiles. Rei slightly pinkens and looks at Shinji’s clothes. Shinji picked a size Medium instead of Small. It hangs slightly baggy but the pants fit him well. She drops onto one knee. “H-HEY! Not--” Rei rolls up his jeans slightly to show off his white shoes and white socks. “Oh, nevermind,” Shinji rolls his eyes at himself.  
  
“You look quite good in that.”  
  
“Do you think it fills me out?” he checks himself out in the mirror with a look of insecurity. Rei rests her head on his shoulder and holds him with one arm.  
  
“I would say yes.” Shinji breathes out in relief. They look at their clothes in the mirror. Shinji’s eyes keep fixating on the openness of her shoulders. _Why am I getting so into her shoulders? How weird am I _? Shinji and Rei reluctantly return to their changing rooms. No one else is in close proximity yet they stay separated by a thin wall. Shinji was just pulling his pants off as he heard a familiar stomping of feet move into the stall next to him.  
  
“You’ll look great in that Asuka-kun! I bet all the boys will be enamored with you!” Ugh, Shinji mentally grouches.  
  
“Yeah yeah, as if I have any boys to impress,” Asuka mumbles. He continues changing back into his clothes hoping he can sneak out before Asuka catches him. He hears Asuka talking to herself as she changes. “What am I even bothering for? It’s not like I look good anyway.” Shinji pauses for a second then shoves his feet into his shoes. Asuka sighs loudly. “Mom was right, I’m gonna get fat soon.” Shinji raises an eyebrow. _What the hell is she talking about? She’s in perfect shape _. “Argh, never fits right. I hate girls clothes.” He hears a thunk on the wall next to him. “Even Shinji wouldn’t like me.” Shinji’s eyes widen and he stays stiffly still. He hears a cough from Rei’s stall and he holds his breath. He tip toes to the door and opens it slowly. Rei comes out of her stall loudly with a grimacing face. Shinji tries to wave her off. _LET IT GO _he mouths before reaching for her hand to walk out. _CLANK _. The door behind them swings open and hits the metal stall next to it. Asuka tumbles out with a sad expression before it turns into a look of annoyance. “What the hell are you doing here?”  
  
“Changing our clothes,” Rei says with a surprising amount of attitude that does not go unnoticed. Rei spins on her heel and starts walking out.  
  
“What’s wrong with you? Were you listening in?” Asuka questions.  
  
“Yes. You were speaking loudly in a quiet room. What do you expect?” Shinji bites his tongue and tries to gently push Rei out the door but Asuka keeps following swinging her shirt around in her hand.  
  
“Ok _and _? Am I not allowed to speak his name in your presence?” Rei finally turns around to face Asuka. For a second you can see all of the agitation on her face before she hides it with an expressionless mask.  
  
“Hey, it’s fi--” Shinji tries to interject.  
  
“--It is fine,” Rei finishes and spins back around. Hikari finally sees them but ignores the awkwardness she just heard. She greets everyone and says,  
  
“Alright Asuka-kun, let’s go somewhere else now if you’re ready.” Asuka mumbles something at Rei but Shinji couldn’t hear it. Asuka and Hikari walk off into a different store. Shinji tries to touch Rei’s shoulder but she nudges it away.  
  
“Rei? I didn’t do anything…”  
  
“That is the problem,” Rei replies quickly. Shinji frowns and bunches up his clothes nervously. They walk to the front lanes and check out not speaking a word to each other.  
  
“So… where now?” Rei looks at him then looks away. She shrugs at him. _What? Why’s she acting so… weird _? Shinji scratches his head. “Want some ice cream?” Rei shrugs and leans against the window of the store. “...Candy?” Rei shrugs. “...Wanna see a movie?” Rei shrugs. Shinji sighs and looks at his toes while his arms limply hang at his sides with the bags in his hands. “What did I do?”  
  
“Do you find her attractive?”  
  
“Not at all.”  
  
“...What if you were not involved with me?”  
  
“...Maybe,” Shinji looks up to see a scowl on her face. Shinji cringes. “But, even if I thought she was pretty, it wouldn’t be like you!”  
  
“How so?” _Gotta use words… we know how good I am at that _.  
  
“You’re um, I really think you’re… like,” Shinji rolls his eyes at himself. _Come on. Think _! “Rei,” Shinji forces his hand into hers, “You’re really beautiful, and I mean it. You’re the only girl I’ve ever thought that way about,” Shinji finishes with a scratch of his neck. Rei finally turns to him, satisfied. She kisses him and he glances around the mall to see if anyone looked.  
  
“I’d like to go for a walk. Then I’d like to have sex.” A group of women walking by hear this and have a fit of gasps. Shinji blushes bright red and drops his head.  
  
“R-Rei! Don’t say that stuff so loudddd!”  
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __


	7. We Will (NOT) Give Up

  
_Click click click click _. Asuka, Rei, and Shinji sit uncomfortably still in their Evas. _For some reason, I am highly aware of the LCL filling my lungs. When my chest compresses, it’s as though the fluid fills me like wet sand in a plastic bag. I feel heavy and sluggish. It seems as though I am perspiring _. Rei frowns slightly checking the monitors to see if Dr. Akagi is looking. She is. And Ritsuko’s face has a sly smile as if she knows exactly what's going on in Rei’s mind. Rei closes her eyes. _I must ignore it. I must ignore it. I must ignore it _. From Shinji’s cockpit, a low hum can be heard from Ritsuko every now and then. Asuka grumbles to herself about something paying attention to nothing of her surroundings. _ZING. ZING _. Ritsuko and Maya look up from their consoles.  
  
“Wow! Shinji’s synch ratio is almost as high as Asuka’s,” Maya reports with glee. Ritsuko makes a hah, and pats Maya on the shoulder.  
  
“Only a few months in. Is this what you would call a gift I wonder?” Ritsuko contemplates aloud. Misato walks in quietly from behind them.  
  
“Yet miracles only have value when we make them happen…” Misato whispers in a solemn tone. Ritsuko turns around with a raised brow and studies Misato’s face. _I’ve known her long enough to recognize that face _. Ritsuko was just about to open her mouth before Asuka, with great exaggeration, begins to yell and flail in her Eva.  
  
“I’m sorry, did I just hear you right? Shinji-kun… getting to the same synch rate as… _ME _?!” Asuka dramatically slams her hand against her chest. Maya nervously giggles.  
  
“It… it would seem so Asuka-cha--”  
  
“--No no no. It has to be a joke,” Asuka laughs and waves her hand, “There’s no way that baka ca--”  
  
“It is what it is Asuka,” Misato barks, “Everyone’s dismissed.” Ritsuko again is surprised by Misato. Asuka begins to shout at no one while the three children head to their own lockers and showers promptly avoiding each other.  
  
“Misato,” Ritsuko calls, “Misato!” No reply. Misato walks out swiftly. Ritsuko frowns and tries to follow after her, but by the time she gets to the door, Misato is nowhere to be seen. Ritsuko rests her hand against the door holding it open. _What the hell is going on now?  
  
_11:57 AM _  
  
_Shhhhhhhhhhh _. Water pours down on each pilot from their personal showers as they idly wash the reaking smell of LCL off. Shinji steps out into the cold tiny locker room and changes into the clothes he and Rei bought last week before sitting down on the bench with his legs stuck out in front of him. His eyes fixate on a dent in the floor. _A score as high as Asuka-kun… I can’t imagine that. Must be some kind of mistake _. Shinji reaches for the phone cramped in his pocket. He clicks Rei’s number. _CAN WE STAY AT YOUR PLACE TONIGHT _? Shinji waits. _Beep _. _ALRIGHT. I WILL MEET YOU OUTSIDE _. Shinji sighs in relief and picks himself up. The second he exits the locker room, he nearly smacks into something.  
  
“WOAH!” Shinji yelps and jumps backward hitting the wall with his head. Asuka stands before him with her hands on her hips. She makes a HMM, and looks him up and down.  
  
“Why do you pilot the Eva baka?”  
  
“Um,” Shinji rubs the bump forming on his head, “I don’t really, uh, know.”  
  
“You must be some kind of stupid.” Shinji shakes his head. “I pilot it because I’m MEANT to. And NO. ONE. Is better than _ME _. Do you get that BAKA?!” Asuka’s about an inch from Shinji’s face as she yells. He’s pinned against the wall. He makes an _urrrr _and darts his eyes elsewhere. Hard footsteps are heard from down the dark hallway and Asuka steps back to look at where the sound comes from.  
  
“Asuka,” Misato’s voice booms, “Go home.” There is no softness in the way she speaks. Asuka senses this and backs down. She was about to speak, but Misato sternly shakes her head no. Before she leaves however, Asuka looks at Shinji and smiles before stomping as hard as possible on his left foot.  
  
“ARGH! _Ow _!” Shinji pulls his knee up and kneads his foot tenderly. Asuka storms out. “What did I even freakin’ do _wrong _?!” Shinji huffs and slides onto the floor. Misato looks down at him with slightly softened features.  
  
“It bothers you that she’s upset?”  
  
“Yes,” he mumbles.  
  
“That’s because all you do is worry about what other people think of you.”  
  
….  
  
“I wanna stay at Rei’s tonight. I left my uniform there for school already.”  
  
“That’s fine, I have things to take care of anyway,” Misato toughens up again and tries to walk away before Shinji tugs her jacket from his spot on the floor. He looks at her worriedly. Misato smiles to reassure him. She bends down and whispers into his ear. “Don’t worry. Rei’s secrets are safe with me.”  
  
“...That’s not what I’m worried about,” he quietly responds looking her dead in the eyes, “I don’t want something to happen to _you _, Misato-san.” Misato truly smiles at him, and rubs his shoulder lovingly.  
  
“They won’t find anything out. I have to do _something _for her…”  
  
_12:26 PM _  
  
Rei and Shinji walk hand in hand down the afternoon streets.  
  
“Do you ever notice how almost no one is ever driving or walking around here?”  
  
“Most people, even in our class, have left Tokyo-3 due to the danger of the Angels. It does not surprise me that no one is out,” Rei remarks looking straight ahead. The humidity is so thick you can almost see it squirming over the hilly roads.  
  
“Doesn’t it make you kind of sad? Seeing how everyone’s just… gone?”  
  
“It does not. I hardly saw anyone in the first place.” Shinji looks at his feet while walking. “I sometimes feel as though I am better off alone,” she quietly laments. Shinji feels a pain in his chest. _I used to say the same thing _. “However,” Rei pauses and stops walking, “I feel as though I am changing. I feel as though now, I understand and appreciate the value of closeness. I hope that one day, you will as well.” Shinji’s eyes widen and his lips slightly part.  
  
“H-how do you just say things like that?” he sincerely questions.  
  
“I do not understand what ‘things’ would mean.”  
  
“You know, like… you were the most closed off but you’re somehow like... “ Shinji waves his hands, “It’s like you understand who you are.” Rei looks into his eyes with a deepness that makes him uncomfortable. “A-anyway,” Shinji coughs scratching his neck. Rei releases his hand and wraps her arms around his neck keeping a small distance between their faces. Shinji’s arms hang rigidly at his sides.  
  
“I am not sure how true that is. All I know is I feel a certain way. I would like to not feel lonely anymore,” Rei lightly says. Shinji scoffs and pulls away turning his body away from her.  
  
“If _only _it was so easy for me,” Shinji pouts. Shinji’s mind flashes to images of his Father leaving. He sees Rei smiling at his Father and his teeth clench. Shinji thinks of Asuka and all of the praise she gets from Misato and the rest of the Nerv team. He pictures Touji and Kensuke goofing off in front of the class making everyone laugh. He can hear those late night calls from Ritsuko that makes Misato laugh, cry, and get angry. He thinks of his Father and Rei again. Laughing.  
  
“I did not say it was easy Shinji. I--”  
  
“--Whatever,” he cuts her off, “I think I’m gonna go home.” He doesn’t even look at Rei as he strides away toward the train. He puts his earbuds on full blast and shoves his hands into his pockets.  
  
“Sh...Shinji….” Rei stands with her knees slightly wobbly. Flabbergasted. _Ba-dump Ba-dump Ba-dump _. She presses a hand to her chest and squeezes the fabric. He turns a corner out of her sight. _I feel awful _.  
  
_12:43 PM _  
  
Shinji emptied his mind as he walked home. He steps into the house and finds Touji, Kensuke, Asuka, and Misato crowded around the living room couch.  
  
“Geez Misato-san!” Kensuke gleefully shouts, “I can’t believe they didn’t notice!” Shinji tried to ignore them and walk to his room, but Touji grabbed him by the collar and pulled him back.  
  
“Shin-man! Where ya goin’?” Shinji says nothing and gives him a blank stare. “Whatever man--anyway, you guys didn’t even notice that Misato-san got promoted?! That’s dense mannnn, even _I _noticed!” Shinji takes out his ear buds and looks at Misato.  
  
“You _did _Misato-san?” Misato smiles and points to the gold stripes on the lapel of her vinyl red jacket.  
  
“Yep, _Major _Katsuragi now!” Shinji bows his head to her. She waves him off with a laugh. “No need for that--” _DINK DINK DINK DINK DINK _. All of their phones go off at once. A message pops up.  
  
_AN ANGEL HAS BEEN SPOTTED. PLEASE REPORT TO YOUR NEAREST SHELTER IMMEDIATELY. _  
  
Shinji loudly sighs and drops his bag down. _THUMP _. Everyone looks at him before going their separate ways. Touji and Kensuke evacuate, and Misato gets the car ready. Shinji takes his time to pee while Asuka yells at him to hurry up. _I don’t care. I don’t care at all right now _.  
  
Twenty minutes later, Misato and Ritsuko are briefing the pilots. Asuka is sitting between Rei and Shinji with her arms crossed.  
  
“The tenth Angel,”  
  
“Sahaquiel,” Ritsuko says.  
  
“Anyway,” Misato continues, “This sucker can drops pieces of itself onto the Earth and blow us into smithereens. It’s planning to drop right onto Nerv.” All three pilots get visibly nervous. “We have thirteen minutes before it drops.”  
  
“WHAT?!” Shinji and Asuka shout hoping from their seats.  
  
“...So YOU three are going to catch it when it falls.”  
  
“WHAT?!” They yell again, louder. Ritsuko’s face drops.  
  
“Get into the Evas immediately. I will tell you exactly what to do.” Rei stands up and quickly walks to her Eva. Shinji and Asuka stare at each other then back to Misato with mouths agape. “Hurry!”  
  
Five minutes later Maya is talking to the pilots checking up on their synch rates. Ritsuko confronts Misato alone far from the bridge crew.  
  
"You're going to do this, _seriously _?"  
  
"Yes, I am."  
  
"You're going to throw away all three Evas with your selfish decision? The chance of success is only 0.00001%. That's not even ONE in TEN THOUSAND!"  
  
"It's not zero; I'm just banking on the Evas."  
  
"Major Katsuragi!"  
  
"I am currently in charge. I want to do whatever I can. Destroying Angels is my duty."  
  
"Your _duty _! Don't make me laugh,” Ritsuko hisses, “This is for your own sake, isn't it? Your revenge against the Angels!” Misato makes no attempt to respond. She grits her teeth and straightens her jacket.  
  
“You may think so, but things have changed now. Excuse me Dr. Akagi,” Misato brushes Ritsuko’s shoulder as she passes, angering Ritsuko even more.  
  
“...Good luck then… Major.”  
  
_Zwooop. SHOOOOOOSH. DRT. BOOSH _. All three Evangelions land on their feet and crouch down in unison.  
  
“There it is,” Rei points out, “Four’o’clock.” Asuka and Shinji spot it and gasp.  
  
“What the hell is that?!” Asuka cries. The Angel has a liquidy body that floats high in the sky. It’s bright orange with three distinctly shaped eyes that have green rings around them. The Angel is rapidly descending toward the estimated impact spot. Nerv Headquarters. Shinji starts running first but Rei quickly follows behind.  
  
“Let’s just get this over with,” Shinji says anxiously. His Eva runs like a heavy animal charging in one direction.  
  
“H-HANG ON! I can’t make it that fast from this far!” Asuka shouts. Rei says nothing and pushes her Eva to stretch its ligaments faster and longer. Rei hops over the Tokyo-3 buildings with a pure level of gracefulness. Shinji sluggishly jumps and brashly lands each time. Asuka leaps and balances on every couple of buildings.  
  
“Forty seconds until impact! If you guys do this, I’ll take you all out to dinner afterward,” Misato says with a smirk.  
  
“REALLY?!” Asuka wails with a clap of her hands. “The _good _stuff, right Misato-san?”  
  
“The best! And of course, no meat for Rei,” she says with a thumbs up. Rei makes a content noise and Shinji smiles despite himself. He allows himself to look at Rei’s face from his small screen. She looks completely focused. _Ba-dump Ba-dump Ba-dump _.  
  
“--Rei--”  
  
“--Shinji,” Misato cuts in, “Ten seconds. Your Father is watching too.” Shinji’s face drops but he pushes his Eva to do a wide jump and lands directly in the spot. “FIVE SECONDS!” Shinji throws his hands up and releases his AT field.  
  
“Arrrrgh!” Shinji groans. The massive Angel lands directly on top of his field and his Eva starts to sink into the grass. _Oh my GOD! ARGH. HELP _! His muscles strain and stretch as he uses all of his power he can muster.  
  
“Ikari-san!” Rei yelps. Gendo raises an eyebrow as he settles into his seat next to Fuyutsuki on the command bridge. Rei rushes next to him and helps him hold up the orange and white field. “Urgh!”  
  
“Ayanami! Spread the AT Field!”  
  
“Shinji’s right Rei!” Misato cuts in, “OPEN THE CORE!” Rei steps on top of Shinji adding to the weight making him cry out. She puts her fingers into the AT Field and tears it open with all of her power. _Grrrrr. SHING _! Rei pulls out the prog knife from her back compartment and cuts until she exposes the core. Shinji’s body weakens and they start to sink deeper. “ASUKA!” Misato screams.  
  
Asuka springs into action.  
  
“I’M HERE!” Asuka lunges forward and flips through the air. _SHING _! Asuka pulls the knife out mid-air and leaps off of Shinji’s shoulder blowing past Rei inside the AT Field to stab the Angel’s core.  
  
_SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE _  
  
Blood from the Angel falls like rain onto the Evas as they all topple over onto the grass. All of them breathe sporadically and say nothing.  
  
“Major Katsuragi,” Misato turns around and looks up. She sees the head of Gendo ikari looking down at her from his tall station.  
  
“I’m sorry Sir--You can blame the damage to the Evas on me.”  
  
“No,” he sternly says, “You did the right thing.” Misato and the whole bridge crew feel a sting of excitement and nervousness. “Switch me to Shinji’s intercom.” _Zzzzzp _.  
  
“Shinji,” Shinji holds his breath and looks at the screen. Shinji’s eyes have a look of true fear. _He knows something. He’s gonna do something to Rei. And me _. “Good job,” Gendo says before immediately turning off his connection. Shinji stares at the screen then drops his head into his hands. _He’s never… said that before _.  
  
…..  
  
_8:31 PM _  
  
“Alright! Who wants what?” Misato gleefully asks as she and the children stumble out of her sports car. Shinji sat in the front next to Misato with his head against the window not speaking a word. Asuka happily skips her way to the outdoor food stand and sits down. Misato walks behind Rei and Shinji. _They haven’t spoken a word. And wasn’t he supposed to be staying at her apartment _? Misato rubs her neck. _Maybe if I act more positive they’ll come back together _. Misato makes a HAH, and speeds ahead of them taking the seat next to Asuka forcing the two to sit together. Shinji cocks his head before sitting next to Misato. Asuka starts shouting her order at the cook and Misato follows after. Rei stays standing next to her seat. She taps her foot with hesitation. Shinji looks at her out the corner of his eye. _I’m upset. But it isn’t really fair is it? She didn’t choose this stuff. Neither did I. And I think that’s why we’re together isn’t it _?  
  
“I’m sorry, Rei,” he whispers to her. Rei looks defeated and hunches over the stool with her palms on the leathery cracks.  
  
“I do not know what I did,” she whispers back.  
  
“Nothing. I blamed you for no reason… I’m sorry.” Misato listens in unknowingly to them. Rei swings her legs into the seat and crosses her hands in her lap looking at her bony hands.  
  
“I can forgive you,” Rei states, “Do you still love me?” Misato’s eyes widen slightly.  
  
“O-of course Rei!” Shinji cries out accidentally gaining the attention of Asuka and the cooks. Rei and Shinji finally make eye contact. Shinji’s eyes weaken, and it reflects in Rei’s eyes.  
  
“Hey, what would you guys like to eat,” the chef asks with a careless smile.  
  
“Uh,” Shinji scratches his arm and spits out, “beef bowl with ramen please.”  
  
“Vegetable ramen, spicy,” Rei bows her head.  
  
“Good choices!” the chef smiles and clicks his pen throwing it behind his shoulder landing onto the table. Misato distracts Asuka by talking about clothes. Every once in a while she glances over to Shinji and Rei and flashes a healthy smile. Shinji slowly starts to smile again. They wait for their food.  
  
“Will you still come over tonight?” Shinji nods.  
  
“I’d like that,” Shinji reaches for her hand under the bar and firmly holds it. Rei makes a content noise and one side of her mouth slightly tugs upward. He checks to see that Misato isn’t looking before leaning over and kissing Rei on the side of her head. His nose hits her ear and he quietly says, “I love you Rei. I feel like things are better since I’ve known you.” He pulls away just as the cook arrives with all of their food. Rei has a small smile on her face throughout dinner.  
  
_9:02 PM _  
  
Shinji and Rei snuggle in the back seat until Misato drops them off at Rei’s apartment. Misato says goodbye and teases them.  
  
“UGH, please don’t encourage them! I don’t wanna _know _!” Asuka says with a face of disgust. Shinji has to grin as he gets out with Rei’s hand in his. They walk through a maze of garbage until they finally get to the safety of her cold steel room. Shinji closes the door and the second he spins around her sees a flash of bare skin.  
  
“Je--jeez Rei,” Shinji nervously rubs his palms against his pants. Rei purposely brushes past him pressing her breasts against his arm as she scurries into the bathroom. _Nrh, I suddenly feel really warm on my neck _. He picks at his neck mindlessly before walking into the combined bedroom and kitchen area. _Beep beep beep _. Shinji looks at the kitchen counter and sees Rei’s phone flash. He checks it out without thinking. _Shit _….  
  
_Rei. I need you to come in immediately. Meet me in my office. Gendo _.  
  
“Rei!” Rei hurries out of the shower with a towel. “Father texted you,” Rei briskly takes the phone from him, “I’m coming with.”  
  
“It would not be safe to do so,” she says as she pulls on her drawers. It’s caught. _Clunk clunk clunk _.  
  
“Rei I told you before, I have to go!” _Clunk clunk clunk _. Shinji grasps Rei’s arm and she him jabs him with her elbow followed by a _cllllINK _of the drawer. “Ow,” Shinji rubs his stomach. The drawer falls over with a heavy _SCRACH _and bottles of pills _tink tink tink _on the floor. Rei gets on her knees and picks each one up, but at some point, she struggles to hold them all in her dainty hands. Shinji gets to the floor and picks one up; before he can inspect it, she snatches it and throws it back in the drawer covering them with her towel. “...What are those.”  
  
….  
  
“I must take them; Dr. Akagi gives them to me frequently.” Rei searches the rest of the drawers for clothes. Shinji stands behind her and gently pulls her hands back by the wrist before spinning her toward him. Their noses touch but Rei keeps her eyes looking to the side. Shinji studies her red eyes. Her red eyes slowly spin into an orange the closer to the pupil you look. Her lashes hang right over the side and then turn up at the end of her eyebrow. Her cheek bone slightly protrudes from her face. _She’s absolutely beautiful. I… almost wonder if this was how Mother looked _. Shinji presses his palm against the side of Rei’s face and turns her to face him. Shinji opens his mouth to talk, but he closes it again. _Words can’t say what I want right now _. Shinji closes his eyes and takes Rei’s bottom lip into his mouth. A sound escapes the back of her neck and Shinji feels a burn starting in his lower stomach. She weakly tries to push him back, but instead Shinji just holds her waist tighter. He presses her into the broken dresser and stubs his foot on the drawer on the floor.  
  
“Nrgh,” he whines, splitting from her lips.  
  
“Shinji we do not have time. I have to go.”  
  
“We _do _have time. Rei, you don’t have to go. And especially if you don’t let me go with,” he demands. Rei gives him a look of subtle annoyance. “Have you ever tried to just ignore when he calls?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“I do not know. Have you?”  
  
…  
  
“I guess not,” Shinji shrugs, “But maybe we can try now?” Rei tips her head to the left.  
  
“I am unsure of how this will affect tomorrow.”  
  
“Well I’ll stay here today _and _tomorrow.” Shinji flashes a worried smile then thins out his lips.  
  
….  
  
Rei takes his cheeks with her fingers and squeezes earning an _OWUCH _! to her amusement. He rubs the offended cheeks with a dramatized glare.  
  
“You look cute when you smile,” she gleams.  
  
“You too Rei,” Shinji pets her hair, “You too.” Rei leans in to kiss him again and they ultimately tumble onto the bed with Rei on top sitting on his clothed waist. Shinji lays back resting his head on the flattened pillow. They both take a minute to relax in silence. Shinji looks at her slightly damp body as she rubs her hands on his stomach under his shirt. Shinji runs his hand up and down her smooth forearm. _Rei’s so beautiful. I’ve literally never thought to use that word for anything or anyone but her _. His eyes focus in on the curve of her torso that leads to her thin yet wide waist. Shinji lifts his other hand there and presses his thumb against her bony pelvis running it down to her inner thighs. He rests his hands between her legs but makes no attempt to touch her. He feels Rei shift a bit forward. _When Shinji touches me… it is indescribable. Not only does it feel good due to basic animal instincts, but knowing that it’s HIM changes everything _. Rei brushes her hands against his thin chest under the shirt before slowly grazing her fingertips down to his belt. Shinji moves his hand out the way and uses that arm to lift up a bit. “Rei we don’t need to--”  
  
“--We do not. However, I would love to feel you closer.” Rei takes the belt in her hands and unbuckles. _Tink. Click. Dink _. She tosses the belt on the floor. _Ziiiiiip _. Rei lifts her waist up to pull his pants lower down. Rei smiles at him before rubbing him through his underwear. Shinji hisses and shifts his hips. Rei removes herself from his lap and sits on the side of him with her legs folded at the knee and she leans down to take him in her mouth. Shinji bunches the blanket between his fingers and lets his head fall back to the pillow.  
  
“Arrrgh, Rei,” Shinji moans, “How does it feel so good?” Shinji feels a hum on his penis until she starts to suck harder. His hips keeps twitching, causing Rei to jerk back. He looks at her from his spot on the pillow. “F- _dammit _, Rei,” Shinji slides his fingers into her hair and massages the muscles of her neck. She sucks harder again making him lose his breath. “R-Rei, c-can I do stuff n- _now _?” Rei says nothing and pulls her mouth off his head. She straddles his waist again and Shinji reaches up for her breasts. Shinji’s erection presses against the skin on her stomach. He pinches and kneads her breasts until she forces him to stop by pulling his shirt off. Both of their ears and cheeks are a rose tint. _The room feels warm now _, she thinks. Rei pulls his pants off and with his help she throws them onto the floor. Rei starts to rubs his erection again making Shinji shiver. _Nrgh, that feeling. FUCK. I NEED HER SO BAD _. Shinji releases a breath loudly and grabs Rei’s ribs crashing their mouths together.  
  
“Mmmm,” Rei moans as he bites her lip tugging her closer. Rei’s hand moves up and down him faster. He grabs her wrist and swings her onto her back. _Ungh, he looks so attractive when he kisses like that _. Shinji sucks on Rei’s collar bone leaving a mark.  
  
“Shit, I’m sorry!”  
  
“Leave more.”  
  
“But what if--”  
  
“I do not care,” Rei states, “let them see Shinji.”  
  
“But…” Shinji hesitates. _What if Father sees? He could… do something _.  
  
“Let them see us.” Rei looks at him with sincerity. He nods and kisses her skin soft before leaving marks along one side of her neck. He sucks too hard for one and it turns slightly purple on her clavicle.  
  
“S-sorry!”  
  
“No reason,” she nearly moans out. _Ngh, she really really likes that _. Shinji leaves one right under her left breast and she squirms. “Sh-Shinji,” she pleads. _I want it incredibly bad _. Rei jerks her hips into his thigh suggesting he do more. Shinji was just about to get up before Rei holds him to her chest and spreads her legs. “I have realized I can not get pregnant,” Shinji’s eyes widen and he shoots up onto his palms, “There is no need to use contraception anymore.”  
  
“B-but do you think that’s, u-um, gross?” Rei kisses his nose and holds his face close.  
  
“Nearly nothing would be better,” she finishes with a long kiss. Shinji kisses back and shifts between her legs. He lowers his waist and she slides one hand between them to put the tip in. “Mmmf,” she gasps. Shinji pushes in.  
  
“Nrgh, it feels so different,” he says with surprise. Shinji holds his arms straight out and keeps his face near her as they let out soft breaths that tickle each other's lips. Shinji pushes in fully and Rei wraps her arms and legs around him. The second her starts to move the bed creaks with a _cccrrre creeee _or _drk drk drk _. Shinji tries going slow to avoid finishing too quickly. Touji always says, _‘If YOU get ta finish so does the chick!’ I never got what he meant ‘till now _. Shinji speeds up. _Drk drk drk _. They both breathe out and in at the same moments. Rei puts her forehead against his and narrows her eyes being taken away by the overwhelming feelings. _This is amazing _.  
  
“This is amazing,” she says with a huff. Shinji nods excitedly. _I love that you can show me you love me like this _. “I— _mmm _,love that you can show me you— _hmmf _—love me like this.” Shinji slows for a second before speeding up. _I can not believe I spoke what I thought so clearly. I’ve never _… “I—mf—have never been able to say exactly what I mean,” she explains. Shinji stops moving to listen. “I have… never felt so safe,” Rei announces. Their hearts both sting for a subtle moment.  
  
“You’re doing so good Rei,” Shinji kisses her nose, ”you’re really becoming who you are… I’m so happy for you.” After a moment of comfortable silence, Rei uses her lower body to knock Shinji onto his back and mount him. Shinji smiles in his recollection of the first time this happened. Rei doesn’t waste a minute and begins to ride him using her thighs to move up and down up and down up and down. _Every time she does this she keeps a hand on her lower stomach in a fist. Maybe I can try asking _? “Hagh, R- _Rei _. This feels so amazing! _Gff _, why is your hand by your waist?” Rei looks down then directly into his eyes. She forces herself down on him harder causing them both to cry out.  
  
“It feels right,” she simply explains. Shinji makes an ah and moves on. Minutes pass and she continues to alternate between fast and slow, up and down, back and forth. “You feel so warm there,” she comments to the surprise of Shinji.  
  
“Y-nr-you too!” Shinji’s hip jerks up and he feels a plasticy film inside of Rei touch his head. Rei groans and hunches over a bit slowing to a stop. “Ah! I’m so sorry I dunno what I did!” Shinji leans forward but Rei pushes him back down.  
  
“I believe you just tore my hymen. That was unexpectedly painful,” Rei grimaces slightly and pulls herself off of him. A drop of blood spills from her onto his stomach. Shinji flails and tries to pet Rei but accidentally hits her in the eye. She holds her eye with her right hand and holds her waist with her left as she lays on her side. “Ouch,” she weakly whimpers.  
  
“I’M SORRY!” Shinji pathetically cries. He rubs her thigh clumsily accidentally scratching her with his nail. She keeps the complaint to herself. Rei sits upright and attempts to get on top before he stops her. “Maybe not right now, I don’t wanna hit that again.”  
  
“Then you get on top of me,” she requests. Shinji cautiously does so, he gets onto his forearms and goes in again. “Slow.” Shinji moves slower and he builds to a steady rhythm. Three minutes in they both start panting lightly. Rei’s body moves with each thrust of his hips and her longer nails graze his sides. Rei turns her head to the side letting Shinji’s breath hit the side of her face. _Shit I might have left too many marks on her neck _. Shinji hits a spot particularly good for her and she lets out a sudden moan that stretches all the muscles in her neck. _Nrgh, mmr _. Shinji slides one arm down the wrap around her waist and he lifts her pelvis upward. He tries to hit the same spot earning another guttural moan. Rei bites the side of her lip and narrows her eyes. _Ugh she’s so hottttt _. Shinji moves a little faster now making the headboard hit the wall. All Rei can think is, _mm mmm mff mff _. She scratches at his back encouraging him to go faster. Shinji wraps both his arms around Rei’s back and continues.  
  
“Fffnrgh,” Shinji says with agonizing pleasure.  
  
“MMtch,” Rei gives back. _DRK DRK DRK DRK DEK DEK _. Their waists start sporadically twitching with each movement. “S- _SHINJI, nmm _, c-can you…?” Shinji nods excitedly and starts moving as fast as he can. _PANT PANT PANT _. Rei’s muscles all tighten at once then release with a burst like a breaking pipe. She presses her open mouth against his neck as she lets out a deep noise. Shinji grits his teeth and lets go as soon as he feels Rei’s insides tighten on him. He limply pulls out spilling some of his and her cum on the sheets before plopping onto his side. They lay facing each other with their legs tangled. The swell of Rei’s breasts spill from between her arms. Shinji takes the lead and kisses her all over her face making her smile.  
  
….  
  
“Shinji,” Rei starts with hesitance, “Do you think Misato-san will truly be able to help me?” Insecurity stains her voice and face. Shinji runs his hand over her arm.  
  
“Yes,” he says with definity. “Misato-san can do anything.”  
  
“...Shinji, I believe Commander Ikari plans to--”  
  
_BANG. BANG _. Shinji and Rei shoot up from the bed. _BANG. BANG _. The heavy knocking on her door shakes her kitchen table. Shinji and Rei get dressed as fast as possible tripping over their own feet.  
  
“IF YOU DO NOT EXIT WITHIN TWENTY SECONDS, WE WILL SHOOT THIS DOOR DOWN!” Shinji with great fear looks at Rei who’s sporting her protective mask of nonchalance.  
  
“I am coming!” Rei turns to Shinji and whispers, “hide under the bed.” Shinji does so without complaint by squeezing himself flatly against the dusty floor. His skull painfully presses against the broken springs. He can see Rei’s feet make their way to the door. _Shwwoop _. Three pairs of black boots roughly knock her to the side and march in. _Badump _. One pair of boots checks the bathroom. _Badump _. One pair of boots scrummages through all of her drawers knocking the dresser completely over. _Badump badump _. One final pair slowly walks toward the bed. _Rustle rustle. Screee. BADUMP BADUMP _. Shinji’s eyes widen as the person slowly seems to get to their knees. _BADUMP BADUMP _. He hears Rei let out a breath before a familiar voice says a firm command.  
  
“Everyone may leave, stand by the stairs.” _STOMP stomp stomp stomp _. Shinji inwardly exhales and his muscles loosen. “Rei…” _IT’S FATHER _!  
  
….  
  
_SMACK _!  
  
_BASTARD _!  
  
Rei’s feet trip over themselves but she seems to catch herself on the kitchen counter. Commander Ikari gets closer. _Rustle _. Rei seems to be pulled forward toward him. Her toes touch his. Shinji grits his teeth and clenches his fists. _He’s grabbing her-- I’m gonna fuckin’ ki _\--  
  
“--If you disobey me again, you will be replaced,” Shinji’s eyes narrow into slits, “Do. You. Understand?” His tone of voice gives Shinji shivers from his head to his toes.  
  
“Yes Commander,” Rei says simply. _I can’t tell what she’s feeling right now _. Gendo pushes Rei forward.  
  
“Walk,” he says dangerously. _Tap.Stomp.Tap.Stomp.Tap.Stomp _. The footsteps get quieter and the loud roar of a heavy truck kicks in. _Oh my God. What do I do _?! Shinji breaks into a cold sweat. _What’s gonna happen to her _?! Shinji listens closely. The roar of the truck is gone. Shinji crawls out and sneaks his way to her closed door. His fingers creep into the lock. _Shwooooop _. Shinji looks both ways. No one. Shinji peaks his head over the railing. No cars. _Rei doesn’t have any neighbors either. SHIT _! Shinji falls backward and crawls inside slamming the door. _Pant pant pant pant _. Shinji crawls into a ball and scratches his head till it bleeds. _Someone help someone help someone help. PANT PANT PANT _. Shinji’s frantic breaths echo throughout the empty walls of the apartment building. _PANT PANT PANT PANT PANT PANT PANT _!  
  
“SOMEONE HELP REI!!!!!!!”  
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *This story will be concluded with part THREE “You Can (NOT) Be Real”. I am not sure of the length of that story yet (especially with how long the later chapters of this story got) but I will finish this trilogy within the next month. Be on the lookout. Thank you to those of you who read so far. For my first story, this has been a wonderful experience! I especially appreciate those who left constant reviews (you know who you are). I hope you join me in the finale!*

**Author's Note:**

> This story follows heavily along with episode NINE of the anime, but it also follows up with things that came from my last story. Please stick with me. I try to post every other day.


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